Author Topic: Elf's Guide to Writing Lemons  (Read 5543 times)

Elf

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Elf's Guide to Writing Lemons
« on: August 13, 2013, 04:48:46 AM »
How to Write Lemons
 (Or How to Make Your Porn Not Suck, Unless It Needs To.)
 
 Know Your Anatomy!
 
           
 If you don’t know how boy parts and girl parts work, then just stop right now.  I mean, really, just stop. Then read this because not only I’ve done a lot of research, has a father who is a nurse, but I’ve also had sex!  So, here’s your Anatomy 101.
 
The Penis
 

 The male reproductive organ, the mighty penis.  You know what, on second thought the penis really isn’t all that mighty.  You try shoving a baby through that thing and see what happens.  It would end up looking like one of those creepy air things you see at Oil Changing stations that are suppose to look like people but look like eldridge abominations.  Plus one good shot to the penis and his two dirty pillows and a guy’s out for the count for a while.  Cunt punt a girl?  Chances are she’s going to be back in your face double quick.
 
 Anyway, back to the penis.
 
 Average length for a penis is about 6 inches for an American male, about 5.1-5.5 for an Asian.  Most dudes don’t have foot long monsters that are as thick as a coke can.  Besides the vagina only goes so far, but that’s going to be in the next section.   I mean, don’t describe the penis as average, but don’t get specific about how large a character’s Johnson is, because chances are what you describe is going to be a two liter bottle.
 
 Which is utterly terrifying. Now if you’re going for horror, then that’s okay.  And no butt nor vagina wants that going into them.  (Well, I’m sure you can google porn of it, but . . . that’s your decision, you weirdo.)
 
 When describing a dick, use your judgment.  Read what you wrote and think, “Do I want this anywhere near me?” If not, then go back to the drawing board.  Also have someone read the descriptions as well. If they wince, then it’s no good.
 
 Anyway, writing about getting a guy off is a lot easier than writing getting a girl off.  Stimulation of the penis is pretty subjective. Stroke the shaft, suck the head (even though to switch it off some guys don’t like having the head of their dick messed with that much), etc. However there’s a pretty good size vein along the penis that apparently drives guys wild if it’s fondled, licked, and so on and so forth. (And it pulsates too, so there’s some good description to give your porn that extra bit of realism.)
 
 Another thing?  I don’t care what doujinshi you’ve been reading, but guys don’t come buckets and buckets of semen.  Sorry to burst your bubble, but most men ejaculate 0.1 to 10 milliliters of semen when they orgasm.  There are five milliliters in a teaspoon, and fifteen in a tablespoon.  So most guys don’t jack off cups and cups of splooge when they go off.
 
 If you’re writing a male character that is born before the 1880’s and not Jewish, they’re going to have a foreskin on their penis.  Hell, today it’s pretty much the US that still regularly circumcises male babies.  Over in Europe it’s not that popular.  There are a couple of reasons why.
 
 Main theory that’s been shot around is that the foreskin is extremely sensitive. The research isn’t conclusive, there’s arguments about it, but it’s said to have erogenous nerve endings.   It also acts to protect the head of the penis, therefore making it more sensitive.  The foreskin, most of the time unless the guy has phimosis (which means the foreskin cannot contract completely), will retract when the penis becomes erect.
 
 It also produces its own lubricants to an extent to help make intercourse easier.  Because of how the foreskin functions and where it’s located, there’s less chance of a vagina losing its lubrication during sex.  The foreskin also provides a “gliding” motion that can make intercourse more enjoyable and less abrasive than a circumcised penis. Also, but take this with a grain of salt, that the foreskin helps stimulate the G-spot in women.  However, see what’s said about the G-spot about being a moot point in the vagina section.
 
 I don’t know how those statements are true.  I’ve never had sex with a guy with a foreskin.  I’d advise asking someone who has and who has one.
 
 Also, circumcised penises can have tiny scars under the head from when they were removed.  There’s an extra bit of detail for you.  That I find kind of sexy because I have a little bit of a scar fetish.
 
 However neat and random fact, semen does contain mood enhancing chemicals in it.  It can also make a vagina more sensitive and receptive to stimulation.  It can also make a woman pregnant.   
 
 Also, stimulating the testacies can be a mixed bag.  Some guys like it, some guys are like, “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO MY BOYS?”  It’s something you just have to play by ear and decide what the male character likes.

Part Two: The Vagina

 From my experience, the hardest thing people have a lot in writing erotic is writing how a vagina works.  It’s like the vagina is some horrible and terrifying thing.  Like I remember seeing “Aliens” on the big screen at a special showing at a local indy theater.  During the scene where Bishop is dissecting the Face Hugger, my then boyfriend-now husband leans over and whispers, “That’s what I see every time I go down on you!”
 
 He got smacked.
 
 I promise that the vagina is not that scary, in fact, I happen to love my vagina.  After this section, I hope you, the reader, love vaginas more too.  Or at least have a better understanding how they work and learn that the clitoris isn’t some dinosaur and is exceptionally important.
 
 Technically, the vagina is the inner cavity – the place where penises, toys and other things go into and babies come out –, but most people use it to describe the whole shebang.  First there’s the clitoris covered by the clitoral hood, the vaginal lips, urethra, and then the vaginal cavity.  Unlike men, who have one hole for both peeing and semen, women have the urethra for peeing and the vagina for . . . other things.
 
 The vagina itself doesn’t have that many nerve endings.  They are along the very entrance, but inside not so much.  Simply because it’s made to squeeze a kid out of it.  Would making a channel made to squeeze something the size of a watermelon out a hole the size of a lemon hyper sensitive a good idea?  No, because women wouldn’t be able to handle giving birth like they can.
 
 Also, a penis doesn’t enter the womb during sex.  The cervix stops it. If the penis goes through the cervix, then something is dreadfully wrong.  Also, the cervix can crush the head of a penis off if it manages to “enter” it.  Seriously, it can happen.  Look it up.  The cervix also doesn’t allow semen to just blast into the uterus when a man blows his load.
 
 So, unless you want to write about a guy getting the head of his dick bit off by the girl’s cervix, which if you’re writing erotic horror that might be your thing, please don’t have the guy “press inside her womb” or some such nonsense.
 
 So, despite popular belief, J-jaming anything in alone isn’t going to bring an orgasm in most cases.  Other places have to be stimulated.  So yuri writers that just has fingers inside the vagina to get the other girl off?  Wrong, wrong, and wrong again!
 
 Now keep reading about the most plausible ways to have a girl achieve orgasm.
 
 True, the G-spot is inside the vagina.  Traditionally it is positioned of the anterior wall about 5 centimeters from the entrance.  Usually under the urethra and the bladder .  It’s said that it can produce powerful orgasms and even cause female ejaculation when stimulated, and is also known as the female prostate.  It’s also hypothesized to be an extension of the clitoris as well.  It’s said that it feels sort of like a sponge, or that rough tissue you can touch with your tongue with the side of your mouth.  It feels different than the rest of the vagina.
 
 However this is inconclusive.  In fact most women can’t have an orgasm from having their “G-Spot” stimulated.  Sadly, a lot of women can feel rather horrible and think they’re abnormal because they can’t have a “G-Spot Orgasm” when, in all truth, they are the majority, not the minority.
 
 I’m not saying you can’t have your female character come buckets like this, but at least you know where it’s at now for future reference.
 
 Now, this brings me to the clitoris, the glorious, and wonderful clitoris.
 
 When you think about where the clitoris is placed, it’s rather odd. It’s above the vagina and urethra and doesn’t really get any real contact during sex.  A fleshy hood, indeed called the Clitoral Hood, covers the clitoris until a girl is aroused.  The hood moves back and the clitoris becomes erect and hard, just like the penis does. Ironically, the closer a girl gets to orgasm, the more the clitoris starts to retreat back into the hood.  (Which doesn’t make any sense. Biology is weird, let me tell you.)
 
 Freud was an idiot when he said only young girls should experience clitoral orgasms and not vaginal ones.  Obviously the guy had no idea how anatomy works and was obsessed with dicks anyway.  The truth is that the key to most female orgasms is stimulation to the clitoris via fingers, tongues, lips, or toys. Most studies show that Oral Sex is the best way for a woman to have an orgasm.  Listen to Dr. Drew.  The man knows what he’s talking about. (Besides it’s not fair for a guy to expect head from a girl and not return the favor.) Don’t get me wrong, a woman can orgasm from intercourse, but it does help if the clitoris is greatly stimulated beforehand.
 
 Also, any girl having sex with another girl is going to know to attack the clitoris.  Simply because they know that’s good for them.  Things might be stuck inside the vagina, but I will guarantee you that most of the attention is going to be on –or around – the clitoris.  Let me note though, some girls do find direct clitoral stimulation uncomfortable or irritating, but are fine with the areas in very close proximity.  (The clitoral hood has its own share of nerves as well.)
 
 Now that you know how to get a girl off for writing purposes, here’s what happens when she does.
 
 When she’s aroused her breasts will get bigger (up to 25% in some cases), nipples will harden, her skin will become flushed, and her vagina will wet itself in preparation for penetration.  The vaginal lips will swell, and like I said above, the clitoris will harden and peek out of its hood.   The closer to orgasm the girl gets, the more the clitoris retreats back into its hood.  Now when a girl comes, it’s like everything fires at once.
 
 There are rhythmic contractions in the vagina and uterus as her body convulses.  If someone or something is inside of her, it’ll fell like she’s clamping and squeezing onto them.  In some cases the contractions are so strong that, without enough pressure, she may force whatever is in her out.
 
 Now, there’s the fact that sex for a virgin girl is different than for a guy for an obvious reason.  It hurts the girl, even if they wore or tore through their hymen ages ago.  This is due to the fact that muscles that have never been stretched before are having something foreign thrust into them.  There isn’t always blood, but for porn’s sake there is because that’s what’s expected.
 
 However there are different types of hymens and they can be various thicknesses.  An athletic girl might not have that much trouble because that activity wears away a hymen.  Same with someone who regularly rides horses or a motorcycle.  Then there are girls who have hymens like fricken AT fields that are so thick that they may need surgery to get it taken care of.  So it varies, but there is always discomfort with First Time Sex.
 
 To make sure it’s easier for your heroine, and to make it sexier, have the partner take time to get the girl ready.  Fingering can wear down a hymen to make it easier to break.  In fact, fingers can break a hymen as easily as a penis can, if you want to add that into your sex scene for a bit of realism.  Which will add a bit of authenticity. 
 
 Also, oral sex, oral sex, oral sex.
 
 So hopefully I’ve made the vagina not so scary for you.

Part Three: Surprise! Buttsex! (And Lubricants)

 
 For yaoi writers, this is pretty much the penetrative sex for two guys.  However buttsex appears in a lot of het fics as well. So, the anus now lies defenseless before us and is a tricky path.
 
 So, anatomy time first: The anus is full of all sorts of delicious receptors and nerve endings.  Basically, the butthole is really sensitive.  For the men it is pretty much a guaranteed way to reach the prostate, and for a girl it’s an indirect way to stroke the G Spot , and more importantly, the internal parts of the clitoris. The sphincter muscle, that muscle that helps push poop out, is chock full of nerve endings that can feel pleasure as well as pain.
 
 Just the butthole is rather fragile.  The sphincter is made to push stuff out, not pull stuff in.  The tissues inside the anus tear very easily.  And, this is the kicker, even though there are mucus membranes in the butt, they in no way produce enough lubricant to promote anal sex.  (If they do, then something is very wrong.)
 
 Then there’s the issue of cleanliness.  I mean, it is the ass hole.  Poop comes out of there, and while one’s fetish maybe Scat, there’s a bunch of issues in there as well.  (Like it’s okay to go from vaginal to anal, or oral to anal, but you don’t want to do the reverse for obvious reasons.)  So there’s also cleaning issues to go on from there.  (In writing you just might want to gloss over it like “Character X had cleaned themselves before the main event, because they knew that the surprise buttsex wasn’t going to be a surprise.”)
 
 I mean, you don’t want to talk about Character X taking the Dump of All Dumps before getting down to the nasty.  Enemas can be a kink, but they can also be dangerous if one doesn’t know what they’re doing.  If you’re going to write about giving an enema before jamming it in the butthole, do your research.  Seriously, google it.
 
 Also, because the butthole is so fragile one has to work up to having anal sex.  Applying lube.  Fingering.  Scissoring.  Stuff to get the butthole relaxed before something is jammed into it.  Foreplay, like writing a defloration scene, is a huge part in anal sex because there is so much work to be put into it. Also the key is to go slowly, give the anus time to react to the alien invader.
 
 Since we talked about the act of anal sex itself, now here’s the key part of it, which will also be good for vaginal sex too: Lubricants.
 
 
Things That Work as Lubricants

 Water Based Lubricants- Such as Astroglide or KY Jelly.  Google can give you multiple results. They may need to be reapplied due to the fact they can dry out and/or absorbed into the skin. However they are also safe with condoms.
 
 Silicone Based Lubricants- May or may not be safe with condoms. They feel different than water based lubricants, but they are not absorbed into the skin or dried out than water based lubes.  However not recommended with use of sex toys because they can break down the sex toys, and no one wants their dildo all wilted.
 
 Oil Based Lubricants- Vaseline/Petroleum Jelly.  Not safe to use with condoms because they can cause the condom to deteriorate. 
 
 Olive Oil- This is a historical lubricant, found in brothels in Greece and even Egypt.  So if you’re writing ancient buttsex this is the most common one to go to.
 
 Tororojiru-
The jelly like substance created when grating a Chinese Yam.  Historical research suggests that this was used heavily during the Edo period.  In fact, it was considered improper for a woman to eat noodles prepared with this substance due to the connotations of it.
 
 Butter/Cooking Oils- If you can eat it, chances are it’s safe enough to put up the butt.  However, again, bad for condoms.
 
 
What Doesn’t Work as a Lube

 Semen- Unless you have a whole team of guys able to produce, one on one, there’s just not enough semen to use as a good lubricant.  Plus it dries out rather quickly as well.
 
 Motor Oil- I don’t care what Minotaur’s webpage says, Motor Oil does not make a good lube.  It can irritate, cause infection and inflammation as well.  Just because you’d pour it into your Hemi engine, doesn’t mean you should use it to lube up a pooper.
 
 Saliva- Dries out too quickly.
 
 Lotion- It gets absorbed into the skin too quickly.
 
 Beer- No. No. No.  An asshole would absorb the alcohol in the beer at an extraordinary rate.  To the point where just a beer could be toxic.
 
 Blood- Not even in vampire sex.  If there’s enough blood to coat the way, then one of the partners is so injured they can’t enjoy it. Plus blood clots fairly quickly, which becomes glue like and sticky.
 
 Mayonnaise and Mustard- Even though I said if you can eat it, it’s safe enough to put up the butt, it’s not exactly true.  Mayonnaise can go rancid with prolonged exposure to body heat.  Then mustard can be an irritant as well.
 
 So, there’s my short take on Buttsex.  Remember kids, One in the Bum won’t make her a Mum.
 
 
 Note About Period Sex- Even though this doesn't have to do with Anal sex, it was brought up to me at the con I recently spoke about.
 
 Girls on their periods, due to the hormonal flux, can actually be insanely horny and even more sensitive and easier to bring to orgasm due to everything that goes on down there.  Just there's the Gates of Hades open and everything gushing out.  However, this is a common kink for vampire sex.
 
 Now, any man can swim in the Red Sea, but it takes a real man to drink from it.

You Have the Basics, Now Get to the Porn!

 Characterization is key.  The point of writing porn of your favorite characters is that you want to watch your favorites fuck. Remember what makes them tick and apply that to writing the sex scene. 
 
 For example, even though the UBW sex scene was painful, at least Rin was still very much in character.  She was trying to control the situation and it just ended badly for her.  And Shirou got his jackhammer on, but the less said about that the better.
 
 Like if I was to write a Lancer and Ayako sex scene, there would be a lot of him teasing and complementing her while she would be getting flustered.
 
 Also sex is a sensory experience.  Write about the stuff the characters are feeling (excitement, nervousness, fear, heart beating a million miles an hour, desire, need, possession etc).  Show how the cat wants to get into the bedroom because it was locked out.  Describe what the characters look like while aroused.  Describe what they sound like. What they feel like. Smell like.  Taste like.  (Example, say Character A just drank a cup of earl gray tea.  They’ll taste like earl gray tea.)
 
 Don’t be afraid to get into the foreplay either.  Actually, it can be the sexiest part in sex.  Don’t be afraid to show blow jobs, going down on the heroine, fingering, etc.
 
 Now there’s your word choices.
 
 Depends on the sex scene.  What does the writer want to convey?  Making love?  Or hard kinky sex. 
 
 Sometimes describing what is happening, what is going on, etc is better than just saying, “He jammed his cock into her dripping pussy.”
 
 Euphemisms are an iffy thing.  If it makes you laugh, don’t use it. Never, ever use Tool. Ever.  Read your sex scene over.  If it turns you on, then chances are you did well.  If it brings a chuckle, rewrite it. Also penis and vagina can get clinical.  Describe stuff like warm, wet folds and thick head.  Get a little abstract about what one’s writing about.
 
 Also using the word “member” makes you sound like someone who’s wanting to be in a club.  And using “entering” sounds like someone walked through a door.  And you really can’t walk into someone’s vagina or butthole, unless you’re writing a porn fic about Antman and Wasp then . . . Well good for you.
 
 
Euphemisms for Penis:

 Dick
 Cock
 One Eyed Trouser Snake
 The Magical Fireman
 John Thomas
 Tool
 Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger
 Bald Headed Jesus
 Wang
 Admiral Winky
 Heat Seeker
 Man Canon
 Johnson
 Member
 Meat Pole
 Love Stick
 Zipper Ripper
 Dipstick
 Dong
 Throbbing Dart of Love
 
 Euphemisms for Vaginas
 
 Cunt (derogatory term, and just sounds nasty)
 Pussy
 Quim (Yes, Loki in The Avengers basically called the Black Widow a Whinny Cunt)
 Bearded Clam
 Hair Pie
 Birth Canon
 Beef Curtain
 Moose Knuckle
 Taco
 The Wound that Never Heals
 Bucket of Wet Sponges
 Twat
 Vadge
 Knob Gobbler
 Hoo-Ha
 Boojum
 Velvet Glove
 Ya-Ya
 Fancy Bit
 
 
 More Than Just J-Jaming It In!

 There’s more to sex than just sliding Tab A into Slot B. Talk about foreplay and other options than just penetrative sex.  Oral sex, manual stimulation etc.  Also mention that a lot of couples in the beginning don’t just jump into pure sex.  They experiment, and if one is writing a long story, it would be nice –and a good change of pace and trope breaking – to explore this in a story.
 
 When just doing a PWP don’t forget the warm up.  Girls don’t get horny by sucking someone off. I don’t care what you’ve seen as porn.  They need to be warmed up- kissed, caressed, nibbled, sucked on, licked, all sorts of fun stuff.
 
 And speaking as a woman, no, sucking someone off isn’t enough to get me ready.  It might arouse me, but it’s not going to be enough to get me ready.  Two guys fucking, yes.  Then again, men are different.  It doesn’t take them much to get ready.
 
 Also, good sex is wet and messy!  Don't afraid to get detailed about bodily fluids, but girls don't leak gallons of love juices just like men don't spew up gallons of semen.
 

Elf

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Re: Elf's Guide to Writing Lemons
« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2013, 04:50:10 AM »
Know Your Kink

 So now you’ve got the basis down and suddenly, in your twenty chapter yuri Rin x Saber fic, you have Rin tie Saber up and spank her.  You’ve written some light bondage, humiliation, and spanking. Good for you.
 
 Now, if you’re going to write a kink, for the love of god, research it.
 
 Look at the 50 Shades of Shit novels, it’s pretty obvious that the woman didn’t research BDSM.  BDSM has a whole subculture that if someone is a part of it and read it, they would be pissed off.  Not to mention, it adds to realism and doesn’t sound like you’re pulling stuff out of your ass.
 
 Oh, and it keeps your story from getting creepy.
 
 Like, if I wanted to write some Archer and Gilgamesh hate sex fic with Archer getting creative with his tracing and inserting something into Gil’s urethra.  I’m going to research the hell out of male sounding to get it right.
 
 Also, if writing a specific kink, don’t be afraid to use some of its technical terms from time to time.  Or showing what a Safe Word is and so on and so forth.
 
 Now for the fun of it, here are a list of kinks for one look up.
 
 
Kinks

 Spanking
 Bondage
 Domination and Submission
 Masochistic
 BDSM- Bondage, Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism
 Age Play
 Role Playing
 Foot Worship
 Scat Play
 Caging
 Caning/Whipping
 Chastity Belts
 Orgasm Denial
 Rape Fantasies
 Food Play
 Diapers
 Horse Play
 Sensory Depravation (Blind folds etc)
 Incest
 Voyeurism
 Public Nudity
So, good writers, I hope this has been helpful to you.
 
 If you want examples of well written porn, I'd suggest Not The Welcome She Was Expecting by DezoPenguin.


[b
Well, Maybe Not . . . Here's a Sample . . .
This very lemon scene was one I wrote a long time ago, and it is still one of my favorites. The story "Altered States" won the second place category in the third Lemon Contest.  The Second and Third sex scenes were rather kinky.   This one was more vanilla and sweetly awkward. And, of course, involved a prana transfer.
 
 
 Archer sighed as he sat in the Circle.  He ran a hand  through his hair as his own mind was racing.  He tilted his head  thoughtfully at the predicament that he was in and that Rin now knew  exactly who he was. It would change the whole way the War would be  fought especially since his goal of killing himself was a moot point  now.  However, his role would be to protect Rin from her sister and the  other Masters and Servants, especially Kotomine.  He scowled as he  debated about telling her everything or just giving answers when she  asked them.  However, he knew that her trusting him was going to be an  issue because he'd been lying from the start to her, or perhaps she  thought he did experience some sort of temporary amnesia due to her  Summoning. 
 
 "Well, it can't be helped," he stated softly to himself, just to get some sound in the empty room.
 
 
 "Yes, it really can't," Rin's voice echoed from the doorway.  Archer looked up to see Rin making her way down the steps, her long raven hair free of its ribbons and spilling behind her.  There was  a slight flush on her cheeks as she approached the Circle.  Without a  word she stepped out of her skirt and panties.
 
 
 Archer's eyes widened as he looked up at her as she kept holding the bottom of her shirt to cover herself.  He stood up and stammered, "Rin, what are you doing?"
 
 
 Her cheeks matched her shirt as she answered, "I need to supply you with more mana to heal your wound, more than what the connection provides.  I can open up another channel to you to give you even more mana for a short period of time.  The easiest way to do this is through Tantric Rites."
 
 
 "Rin . . . I can't . . . do that with you . . ." he managed as he looked away from her blushing form with the long, slim legs sheathed in tempting black leaving a ring of perfect white flesh bare peeking out from under the red shirt she was wearing.
 
 
 She snapped, "It's either that or I give you some of my magic circuits which I will never get back and a part of my Crest.  I need those.  So, I should just do this with something that is meant to be lost anyway."
 
 
 He looked back at her and noticed that she was clutching the edges of her shirt with shaking hands.  "Rin, I'll be fine, you don't need to give this up," he replied as he quickly looked away.
 
 
 She stepped in the Circle and she grabbed his chin.  With a sharp jerk he was looking down at her wavering aquamarine eyes as she hissed, "Why do you have to be so damn difficult?  Do you just like disobeying orders so much?"
 
 
 "I don't want you to do this because of something I will recover anyway," Archer snapped back as he attempted to move away from her yet she was holding him with fingers like steel.
 
 
 "Archer, you said it yourself, you're not a heroic spirit. I'm not going to wallow over my folly.  Yes, I'm pissed that I Summoned  some sort of half-assed hero, but that's my fault and not yours.  It'll  do no good to mope over it.  We need to move on so we can win this  War," Rin said firmly, "And I'll do it by any means necessary.  If I  need to have sex with you to make you stronger, then I'll do it."
 
 
 He swallowed as he looked down at her.  Then she backed away from him and laid down on the ground with her legs locked tightly together and still holding her shirt down as much as she could.  Her eyes clinched shut as soon as she settled onto the cold concrete floor carved with hardened jewels.  Archer swallowed at the offering before him as Rin snapped, "Well, get on with it!  I'll make the connection, you just focus on coming, and don't think of such things as putting it in my mouth or releasing in side of me."
 
 
 She was trembling, but the order was pressing on him now. Archer bit his lip as he pulled off his mantle and tail and folded them  together.  He set them down before stripping down before her.  She still had her eyes tightly shut as she bit her lip, waiting for the inevitable.  His chest tightened at the look on her face as he knelt down beside her.  He gently lifted her head up and those eyes opened to face him.
 
 
 "Archer, what are you doing?" she managed as he set the make shift pillow down where her head would go.
 
 
 Archer stroked her cheek and her face reddened even more at that touch.  He ignored the question as he leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers.  Her breath was rapid against his lips and he barely kissed her again.  Her breath caught in her throat as her lips slightly parted.  He took advantage of this to kiss her again, gently teasing her lips to move with his.  There was a tiny whimper and then she was kissing him awkwardly back as her arms wrapped around him.
 
 
 He kept the kisses slow and gentle until some of the tension eased from her back and shoulders.  Then he brushed against her sweet lips with his tongue, needing to taste her.  Her lips parted in invitation and he swept his tongue into her mouth.  She responded in kind, her own small tongue wrestling against his as her slim hands clutched at his back.  She made a little moan against his lips before she had to pull away to gasp for breath.  Her cheeks were flushed, her lips were pink and swollen and her eyes were jewel bright as they looked down and back up again.
 
 
 "Ah, Archer . . ." she stammered as she looked down.
 
 
 He stroked her hair and asked, "Yes, Rin?"
 
 
 "Why did you do that?" she asked in a small voice before her intense gaze met his again.
 
 
 He smiled and replied, "Because I wanted to."
 
 
 "What?" she blurted out, "Why didn't you just . . . shove it in?"
 
 
 Archer sighed and said, "Rin let the person who has more experience lead in this matter."
 
 
 "But I'm your Master," she retorted as she glared at him.
 
 
 He smirked and leaned to kiss her ear, flashes of old memories telling him exactly where he needed to go.  She whimpered, shivered and clutched at him as he lightly laved the shell.  He felt her shake her head against her bare shoulder, the raw silk of her hair caressing his bare skin.  He whispered in her ear, "Just relax.  This'll help me come.  That's what you want right?"
 
 
 She nodded and said, "Then do what you need to do then."
 
 
 He smirked at her consent before lightly sucking on her ear lobe, causing her to call out his title and clutch his shoulders. He began to run his lips down her throat to taste her skin and lose himself in the sweet smell of tea and roses that was Rin.  His own need was becoming rapidly apparent and painfully swollen as all the repressed  desires raged to the forefront.  He gave into them, he let them go only  to slide his hands over the gentle curves guarded by her red shirt.  He  cupped soft, firm mounds through the cotton fabric and kneaded them  together than apart.
 
 
 Rin was breathing hard against him as he moved to kiss her again.  This time she was more eager and receptive, her own tongue plunging into his mouth as her inner nature took over.  He knew exactly how passionate she could be and wanted to saver this moment.  However, taking her on the basement floor wasn't his first choice.  She deserved her bed, but these were the terms he'd been given and would have to work  around.  Soon he slid his hands to the lip of her shirt to pull it off.
 
 
 Her hands moved to grip his arms as she panted, "W-w-what are you doing?  You don't need to take that off!  I've got the bottom off, so you can leave that on, and why did you take your clothing off?"
 
 
 "It's better to do it like this," he said as he gently freed his hands and jerked her shirt up.  She gave a tiny cry as he lifted her up to pull the shirt off and let it go. She was only in her white camisole and thigh highs now, giving him almost a clear view of her slim form.  Her legs were pressed tightly together as one hand went up to cover the gentle slit that guarded the haven of her body.  His nostrils flared as he looked at her girlish form before pulling the camisole off, leaving her bare.
 
 
 Her cheeks flushed as red as her shirt as he looked at her with her raven hair spilled on the red of his mantle and her eyes tightly shut.  Her skin had healthy rosy undertones with it and her coppery-pink nipples were begging him to touch them until they hardened to tiny points.  "Rin," he said as he stroked her shoulder and trailed his fingers to the back of her head, "Look at me Rin."
 
 
 She swallowed and those gorgeous aquamarine eyes opened, completing the picture.  Rin lay before him, a virtual virgin sacrifice laid bare before him to take.  His fingers found the soft hair at the nape of her neck as he massaged the back of her scalp as her eyes widened as she took in his own battle scarred form.  After a while, he had stopped caring how he looked because he would only get scar after scar from bullet and knife wounds during his life time.  She licked her lips as one of her long fingered hands stroked the scar over his heart.
 
 
 "You really are Shirou, aren't you?" she whispered as she kept her eyes focused above his waist, not to mention how he was kneeling beside her was keeping him hidden from her view.
 
 
 Her fingers were surprisingly rough as they ran over the scar on his heart and he took a deep breath.  He nodded and said, "Yeah, and a version of you healed me then as well."
 
 
 "I'm not her," she said as she pressed her lips together.
 
 
 Archer leaned forward and replied, "She was lost to me a long time ago, besides, I like my Master now."
 
 
 "You like me?" she blurted out as she looked up at him with wide eyes.
 
 
 He chuckled and replied, "Yes, I like you very much Rin.  You're the only person I'd ever consider my Master."
 
 
 To his surprise she sat up and wrapped her arms around his neck before pressing her lips against his.  He groaned against the innocent press of her lips again as he kissed her in return, tasting her on his lips and tongue.  She responded quizzically with her tongue as well as they continued to kiss as he stretched out beside her.  He felt her heartbeat flutter beside him only to trail his mouth from her soft lips down the alabaster column of her throat to lave there.
 
 
 She arched with a tiny gasp as his hands moved up on their own violation to the soft mounds of her breasts.  The small mounds fit nicely in his palm with the nipple pressing down on his hand ever so slightly as he began to knead them gently together and apart.  She shook her head as she gasped only to bite her lip.  Her eyes were glowing slits as she started to lose focus as she was making tiny sounds as he moved his thumbs to gently rub them over her nipples.  Soon they grew taunt into hard little points that made Rin arch with every brush of his fingers.
 
 
 He trailed his lips lower until he could nurse on her supple flesh, laving the point with his tongue until they glistened in the dim light.  Need was thrumming in his body, demanding that he just spread her legs apart and thrust into her until they broke, but he steeled himself.  Besides, he wanted to see Rin writhe and scream in tormented ecstasy.   He wanted to burry his head between those pristine thighs of hers and lave her hollow until she screamed.  Then he wanted to thrust himself hilt deep into her until neither knew where they began  and the other ended.
 
 
 Archer sucked greedily on her left nipple as his fingers played with the right.  Rin was still making those tiny gasping noises as she moved restlessly.  He looked up at her as she said, "It . . . feels . . ."
 
 
 "Am I hurting you?" he asked with a tiny smirk.
 
 
 Rin bit her lip, shook her head and said, "N-n-no.  I told you, we really don't need to do this."
 
 
 Archer ignored her and switched breasts to toy with the left nipple with his fingers.  Rin actually made a tiny cry as she turned her head away from him and clinched her eyes shut.  She was breathing hard with flushed cheeks, causing her breasts to rise and fall sharply with each breath.  Archer admired the sight before he started to move lower.  He gathered her supple thighs in his hands and moved her  legs apart.  He saw Rin tense and press her fingers into the floor as  if she was bracing herself.
 
 
 He sighed at the bare, delicate slit and ran his finger over it.  Rin's hips bolted up ever so slightly as she made a muffled sound.  He murmured, "Well, this won't do at all."
 
 
 "W-well . . . aren't you going to put it in?" Rin stammered as she kept her eyes closed and her head turned away from him.
 
 
 Archer spread her open and grimaced at the mostly dry pink folds before him.  She was glistening slightly around the entrance to her body, but that was it.  "You're not even wet Rin," Archer sighed with a shake of his head.
 
 
 "That doesn't matter," Rin snapped, "Just . . . shove it in and get to business.  We don't have all night."
 
 
 Annoyed with her urging, Archer bowed his head down and wrapped his lips around the tiny nub at the apex of her folds. Without warning he began to suck on the point until it began to swell under his lips.  Rin cried out, "N-n-n-no!  A-a-archer . . . It's dirty and if y-y-y-you do that I'll . . ."
 
 
 That's what I want, Rin, he thought as he felt the pressure of her hands on his shoulders as he ignored her order as he flickered his tongue over the point.  He used his fingers to hold her folds apart so he could lave around the sensitive nub until she was panting under him.  He felt it start to recede ever so slightly and he worked his jaw to build up saliva in his mouth before licking her full with the brunt of his tongue.  She whimpered at that before he wrapped his lips around the nub again and began to suck on it.  He had to hold her open more and more as he felt her flutter underneath him until she bucked up hard with a scream.
 
 
 As she shuddered and cried he continued to suck on her and slid a finger inside her now soaking wet tightness.  He inwardly smirked at the molten, wet heat surrounding his finger as her walls collapsed around him.  Soon her cries took a painful note and he lifted his lips from the quivering nub to give it one tiny kiss. Yet he kept moving his finger in and out of her to try to ease the tightness crushing it, the same tightness that would be crushing something much longer and thicker within moments.
 
 
 He lifted his head to look up at Rin who was panting and admired the slight sheen of sweat on her pale skin.  He kissed her stomach only to be glared at.  He smiled wolfishly at her as she glared down at him.  She snapped, "We're supposed to come together . . . now you . . ."
 
 
 "Rin, if I would have entered you dry like you were, you wouldn't have come at all and it would have hurt even worse," he said with a frown, "Now that you're . . ." He looked down at the wetness almost coating his hand and removed his finger to her.  He held the glistening digits up to her with a smile and said, "Now that you're ready it'll be easier for you."
 
 
 As she watched with wide aquamarine eyes he held his soaked finger up and inhaled the musky, spicy scent of her arousal.  He licked his finger clean, tasting the oddly tangy, slightly metallic yet strangely sweet taste of her need.  Her cheeks turned even more red as her eyes widened at that.  She shyly looked down and then away from him.
 
 
 Sighing, he nudged her legs apart with his thighs as he settled between her legs.  He frowned at her hands at her sides again and clutching the floor as best as she could.  He lowered his head towards hers and moved his hand to gently stroke her cheek before running his fingers through her hair.  He whispered, "Rin, please look at me."
 
 
 She turned her head to face him right as he lowered his lips to hers again.  He kissed her soothingly as he guided his heated length with his hand to her core.  He  pressed at her smooth slit, nudged her folds apart and rested himself  to the hollow of her body. He continued to kiss her, his own blood  racing through his veins as his heart pounded loudly.  Fire was racing  in his veins and she hadn't even touched him, but having Rin underneath  him like this was enough to drive him insane.
 
 
 He pulled back from her lips so she could breathe as he slowly started to press into her.  The tip was barely in, surrounding him in hot, tight, soft wetness as Rin hissed and her muscles tensed. He stroked her hair and whispered, "J-just relax for me, Rin."
 
 
 "A-a-archer, you're in, right?" she gasped as her eyes bore into his.
 
 
 He swallowed as his body tensed, the urge to arch his hips and thrust deeply into her was overwhelming but he managed to keep himself still despite everything.  He shook his head and whispered, "I'm sorry."
 
 
 "T-t-there's more," she said with a pained look.
 
 
 He closed his eyes, swallowed and nodded.  Since he didn't need to guide himself in anymore, he moved his hand to hold hers.  He expected her to try to slide it free or to protest, but she intertwined her fingers with his and gripped them tightly.  "I'll be gentle," he promised.
 
 
 "W-why are you doing all of this for me?" she asked.
 
 
 He opened his eyes to look at her earnest, flushed face and wide eyes.  He answered in a hoarse voice, "Because I like you and you deserve more than being on your basement floor."
 
 
 "But you told me to stay in the basement," she said in a shaky voice.
 
 
 Archer chuckled despite the tension raging in his body and replied, "Well, I was teasing you then."
 
 
 "Do it," Rin said as she gripped his hand tightly, her eyes locking with his with even more pressure than what was around his hand.   "It'll hurt less, inside me, right?" she asked timidly.
 
 
 He groaned as slim legs wrapped around his waist, bringing him closer.  He replied, "Rin . . . It'll still hurt.  I'll . . . go slow."
 
 
 She nodded and held his hand tightly as he pressed into her more and the barrier gave slightly.  Rin gasped painfully as her free hand gripped his shoulder with enough pressure to bruise as her nails bit slightly into his skin.  His heart was racing, his blood pounding and he was swelling painfully as he pressed more into her.  She flinched with another gasp and his vision blurred as he was slowly gripped by her body.  Unable to take it, he drew his hips back slightly before thrusting forward.
 
 
 There was a pop of pressure as he was crushed before he slid inside her to the hilt.  Rin cried out and he felt a sharp pain in his hand and shoulder from where she gripped him.  He was breathing hard  as she gripped him like a vice from within as he felt her core try to  push him out, sending a flash of pure fire up and down his spine and  through his veins.  He groaned at the feel of her around him and moved  his head to capture her lips in a furious kiss because he needed to  taste her.
 
 
 She made a tiny whimpering noise against his lips as she surrendered to his kiss as he kept still within her.  Yet kissed her to devour her, because he needed to burn the image of Tohsaka Rin like this  with him in his mind.  He swept his tongue through her mouth and  he moaned at the feel of her sliding hers along with his as she  clutched at him.  He could hear her heart pounding as well as the ache  in his loins became unbearable to him.  His mind was racing, he was  breathing hard, his body was aching and his muscles were twitching as he  lay still within her.  The crushing pressure was intense, but the sweet  caress of liquid heat urged him to act.
 
 
 "Rin?" he asked in a hoarse voice, "I need to move."
 
 
 He looked down into her wavering aquamarine eyes and the tears that were about to spill from them.  So, Archer braced himself until he had full consent to move so he wouldn't hurt her more.  Then she gave a tiny nod and he drew his hips up in a slow motion before surging back down.  He groaned at the silken caress as she gripped him within as he began to move within her.  Rin's legs around his waist tightened as she gasped, but he knew she was still hurting, yet he was no where near coming himself.
 
 
 Archer moved slowly, feeling her body open for him centimeter by centimeter with each gentle thrust.  Her folds caressed him and gripped him within as the crushing pressure lessened.  Soon he felt her start to flutter around him ever so slightly as she was soon moving with him with tiny gasps.  He stared at her flushed cheeks, parted lips and half closed eyes as she began to move in synch with him. He groaned at that and the fire licking his body, his veins and pooling at his core that was threatening to consume him from within.
 
 
 To his surprise, Rin suddenly moved up to capture his lips in a kiss as she held him tightly while rocking in time with his thrusts.  They ravaged each others' mouths as their lips, teeth and tongues as their bodies moved into perfect rhythm as they fused together as one.  "C-can you take more?" he managed as he pulled apart from her so she could gasp for air.
 
 
 She nodded pressed her face into his shoulder as she clutched him.  Archer's chest tightened at the sight and feel of her holding him close like this.  He drew his hips and picked up his pace to move inside of her.  He groaned as lightning shot through his body at the increased friction as he moved within her.  He felt the pressure rising within him steadily as he began to move harder and faster inside of her.  Rin arched up with a tiny cry as she held him tightly, her fingernails digging into his shoulders hard enough to break skin, but that only added to the sensation.
 
 
 His vision was burring and as he felt himself swell inside her even more while her core fluttered and gripped him, signaling that she was enjoying this as well.  He gripped her tight and just lost himself into her, moving his hips harder and faster to feel the pleasure spiral within him.  He arched back enough to slide a hand down to where  they were joined and brushed his finger tips rapidly over the point of  her weakness.  Rin arched back with a loud cry that echoed throughout  the dark room that only added to the ecstasy bubbling up within him.
 
 
 The pressure was overwhelming as he felt himself swell painfully for the final push.  Archer's body was trembling as lightning suddenly struck him from within.  He pulled himself out with a groan as he shuddered, surrendering at last.  His vision burned white as he emptied himself onto Rin, pulse after pulse.  He hard her scream and arch up as well as he began to spill himself onto her while her hands clutched him.
 
 
 Then he felt his own magic circuits spark and mana flood into them, causing his eyes to widen at the power now humming through him.  He arched back as he felt the gash in his chest tingle and then burn as it knitted together and healed to reveal his own hard muscles and a slight white line adding to the myriad of scars already carved into his body.  He blinked at the power thrumming within him and then looked down at Rin.
 
 
 Her head was tilted back as she gasped for air, her raven hair slicked back from her face with sweat as tiny droplets of it ran down the flushed gentle curves of her body.  He scowled at the pearly white liquid spilled across her blood stained thighs.  Archer sighed and he flinched at the blood trickling from her core as well, blood that was no doubt smeared upon him right now.  He stood up and gently cradled her into his arms.
 
 
 "Archer, what are you doing?" she demanded, but she didn't fight him nor did she struggle.  Instead those slim arms intertwined around his neck as he carried her.
 
 
 Archer answered, "Now it's my turn to take care of you."  Then he held her close as he carried her up the steps.


Cherry Lover

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Re: Elf's Guide to Writing Lemons
« Reply #2 on: August 13, 2013, 04:59:56 AM »
Whilst your basic statement about doing your research is, of course, entirely right, you have to remember that not everyone with a particular kink is going to follow the exact rules of the subculture in question. I've not read 50 Shades, so I can't comment on that, but it is possible (even if not necessarily advisible) for someone to do BDSM acts without a safe word or the like, and ultimately that is their decision, not that of the BDSM community. You have to consider not what is standard for the community, but what the characters would actually do. Sure, if your characters are a big part of the BDSM scene then you'd expect them to follow the rules of it somewhat, but if they're just a pair of lovers experimenting with BDSM then they may well not.

Of course, one thing you can't ignore is the realistic emotional and physical effects of such things (although Saber is a bad example there, at least physically). There are some things that might seem fun but will actually cause real damage, and most people do have a limit of how much pain they're likely to want to take (hence why safe words exist). Even if the characters won't necessarily follow the exact rules of the BDSM community (which, frankly, even the community doesn't always agree on, particularly in the case of the more extreme aspects) you do have to consider how they would realistically feel given that situation.