So I started this on Beast's Lair, with the hope that I'll be able to learn how to scale chapters better, or something like that. Hopefully you guys can comment on this here.
Lancer’s First Modern Booze
Story written by Xamusel
It was a cold winter’s night in Fuyuki. Snow was not expected to arrive in the area because of weather patterns around the city. Well, not like it really mattered to anyone in the Copenhagen bar, they were busy drinking and making right fools out of themselves for the most part.
At the counter itself, a man with blue hair and red eyes, wearing a blue sweat suit and sneakers, and a woman with purplish red hair and eyes, wearing a brown business suit and black business shoes, were sitting and trying to enjoy a good spot of alcohol before they went off to the Kotomine Parish to register for the Fifth Holy Grail War. These two, Servant Lancer, real name Cu Chulainn or Sentanta, and Bazzet Fraga McRemitz, were supposed to work together to win the omnipotent Holy Grail hiding in the land. However….
“Bazzet, I’ll be honest, the food’s good, but the booze smells like someone pissed in it!”
Yeah, Lancer was complaining about the beer, and to a woman that did not want or need to hear that comment.
“Could you please keep the comments about modern beer to yourself? I’m sure that not everyone would appreciate what you just said,” Bazzet replied with a tone that said something along the lines of ‘keep yapping and you’ll be forced to drink this every day for the rest of your new life’.
Lancer, to his credit, was able to get the message. Before he could comment on something else, he had a sudden burst of inspiration that he didn’t know would work.
Bazzet, seeing the look on Lancer’s face, couldn’t help but mentally groan at the look on her Servant’s face. With a sigh, she asked, “Okay, I’ll bite, what are you thinking of?”
Lancer, hoping to impress his Master, asked in a quiet voice, “Tell me, did anyone ever attempt to Reinforce booze by now?”
Bazzet had a look of confusion on her face as she answered, “No, not to my knowledge. Why do you ask?”
Lancer’s face was the epitome of giddiness with that answer. He immediately yelled to the bartender, “OI!! Barkeep, we got a magic show involving booze coming up! Be prepared to serve the customers extra drinks on us!”
That had everyone looking at Lancer like he had grown a second head or something similar. This remained that way for five seconds, until one unlucky gentleman dared to ask, “What’s that got to do with a magic show?”
Lancer immediately answered, “Simple. I’m providing a magical opportunity to get better booze from the piss you call beer!”
Before a bunch of booing could occur, Bazzet’s facepalm was heard across the room, making everyone else look at her in confusion. Bazzet, in the meantime, was muttering angrily, “Lancerrrr….” Finally, after a few moments of feeling that the patrons were staring at her, she removed her hand from her face and sighed. With the bar’s attention now on her, she said in exasperation, “Alright, fine. You’ll get your magic show now, but only for tonight,
no exceptions!”
With that, a chorus of cheers erupted from the patrons, as everyone was hoping for some good beer for once.
XxX
After the magic show involving free beer for all the patrons but Lancer and Bazzet, the duo from Ireland were walking along to the Kotomine Parish, all the while feeling a bit of tension in the air between them. Because they were a fair distance away from the Parish proper, Lancer felt that he needed to do something to salvage the situation, although he wasn’t sure how to do that at present.
Suddenly, inspiration hit Lancer again as they were about to pass a nightclub, with a sign catching Lancer’s eye:
Free Admission, Free Choice Of Song, Free Vodka
Noticing that Lancer had become sidetracked, Bazzet was about to remind him to continue onwards to the Kotomine Parish when she saw that he entered the nightclub, making her fume with anger at the thought that her childhood hero was becoming a danger to women around the whole city by trying to seduce women at a nightclub. As she went into the nightclub as well, she thought to herself, ‘Honestly, I’m starting to wonder if he’s even taking this slightly seriously! I’ll be a laughing stock for this, and so will Lancer, considering that he’s connected to me presently.’
Eventually, she found Lancer talking to the DJ, making her slightly wonder what he was doing until she squashed the thought from her head. As soon as that happened, she marched on over to Lancer and prepared the runes on her gloves to give him a world of hurt, though the action didn’t go unnoticed by the Servant.
After saying “excuse me for a bit” to the DJ, Lancer turned to face Bazzet and said to her, “Glad you could make it.” Before she could retort, Lancer turned his head to the DJ and asked him, “Is it ready yet?”
The DJ, aware of Lancer’s plan, replied, “Yep, the song’s ready for everyone here! Want me to get the groove going on?”
Lancer, smirking dangerously at that, answered, “Yes, sir! Go and HIT IT!!”
With that, the DJ started playing the first song of the list, the song “
Finnegan’s Wake”. As Bazzet was less angry now than before she started hearing the Irish jig, she felt the need to dance because of Lancer’s idea, but then a bottle was tossed to her via Lancer. As soon as she grabbed it, she looked at the label and saw it was vodka. Before Lancer could make her drink, she asked him in an angered tone, “Are you trying to kill me by alcohol poisoning?!”
Lancer’s response was simply to open the bottle for her and help her drink the stuff. That was all that was done between them before inhibitions were lost.
XxX
At the Parish itself, Kotomine Kirei suddenly felt that his plans had been shot to hell, by Lancer no less.
Well, that certainly was a thing. I don’t know if you guys would like the idea, but it’s done and I am going to be looking for a challenge to work on after this.
Stuff below is a spoiler because I wrote this originally for Beast's Lair and I don't want it to make a mess of this forum if it were unspoiled.Spoiler for Hiden:
I’ll admit that the part about booze tasting like urine was taken from thirdfang’s Nasu story, but Velsper gave me the basis to work with for this oneshot. I don’t know about you guys, but I think this was a bit of a strain on me for writing stuff within a set wordcount, namely within 1,000 words.
Now, it’s late, and I need to go to bed now. I’d like it if Leo could give me the next oneshot of the thread as a reply to this, because I don’t know if I’ll be able to go onto IRC to ask him over there, due to my habit of ignoring IRC for weeks on end at worst.
Total wordcount of the story? 1,000 words. Total wordcount of the document that I’m using for this? 1,180 words.
