A disembodied voice comes out of the darkness.
“Do you understand the consequences of making this deal?”
Kariya is dreaming again. The same dream he has had every night since the war began. A sad dream, of a sacrifice made on behalf of a girl he doesn't know.
“Yes, I understand”, the man – his servant – replies.
“And you still wish to go through with it?”
He hears the disembodied voice again.
“Yes, I do”, his servant replies, “I want her to be happy. She deserves a chance to live a happy life”
“Very well then, we have a deal”
As the voice says this, he sees a young woman, who looks oddly familiar. She appears to be in pain, but is smiling anyway, seemingly for the first time in a long while.
Suddenly, Kariya awakens from his dream, pain shooting through his body.
“Aaaaaaaaargh!!!”
He screams in agony. As he screams, he recalls a memory, the cause of his current suffering.
“Then, Let’s begin the preparations without delay. We will finish the treatment immediately. If you want to reconsider, do it right now.”
He had merely nodded his head. Any possibility of saving himself had been lost at that moment.
Briefly, he feels regret.
“How could I be so stupid?” he thinks, “throwing away my life for a one in a million chance of saving...”
And he stops himself mid-thought, as he remembers why he is fighting. A memory of watching a happy, black-haired, four-year-old girl, playing in the park with her mother and older sister.
“Stop it, Nee-san!”, she says, laughing. “MUM!”
Her mother comes running over. He thinks of her too. Zenjou – no, Tohsaka – Aoi. His childhood friend and true love. He feels another pang of regret. If only he had been stronger, if only he had pursued her first, then none of this would have happened.
His memories return to the girl. Now a year older, and changed beyond all belief. Once a happy, outgoing, black-haired girl, a year of his treatment had left her totally broken and in constant agony, with unnatural purple hair and eyes. He alone amongst living people had some idea of what she had been through. After all, he had been put through it himself.
He breaks down in tears, his sadness and sorrow for her matched only by his hatred of them. When he started this war, his only aim was to get the Grail, to save her the only way that he could. However, his servant was reluctant to fight for it, reluctant to give it to Zouken. It was almost as if his servant knew how evil that old man was. He begins to wonder if there is another way...
He thinks back to what he had been told about the war, when he was being “trained”. He was told that, in the absence of a catalyst, a master would summon a servant with a similar personality to their own, with similar aims and goals. Further, they would have a link to each other. They would be able to see each others memories, and feel each others feelings to a certain extent.
He begins to think about Berserker. “Similar aims and goals”, Zouken had said. The dreams made sense now. They were similar. They had both sacrificed themselves for a girl. He thinks back to the dream, the strangely familiar girl that he saw. He cannot think who she is. He begins to drift back to sleep, the pain gone.
As his drifts off, he begins to wonder about his servant, about the girl he sacrificed himself for.
I wonder, was his sacrifice worth the cost?
Then he thinks, "was mine?"
He realises that the last question is as yet unanswered. His actions in this war will determine it. So, he thinks back to the first question, back to the girl. The strangely familiar girl. Who is she? He only got a glimpse of her, not enough to tell. He begins to think again. He wonders what her life was like.
What happened to her, to force him to make this deal?
Was she as worthy of his servant's sacrifice as Sakura was of his?
Did he get his wish, did they live happily together?
Ultimately, was it worth it?
He thinks back to his earlier two questions. He knows that the answer to the second is not yet known. However, in his mind, the answer to the first question is already determined, the scenario having played itself out long ago in some far-away land.
He makes his mind up. He will ask his servant about his life tomorrow. He will ask him the answer to the first question, and will ask him if he can help set the answer to the second one.
He drifts off to sleep, not yet realising how closely connected the answers really are....
OK, this is a fic I started a long time ago (it's the reason I went to BL in the first place) but never got around to finishing. I thought I'd resurrect it and try to get it done (although this chapter I wrote a long way back).
What does everyone think of it? Is it good?
