WIZARD QUEST (CYOA thread)

[The Man With All The Cute Boats]

You are a wizard of immense power of the inexplicable variety, magic!

On the highest floor of your ivory tower, you look down at your warhammer fantasy miniatures and just like an oncoming rush of level 7 flash freeze bolts, you feel boredom crashing down upon you. Truly a sad day, when one is bored.

But you are a wizard! Your machinations are incomprehensible, your power beyond reason, and your conscience fleeting in old age. There are things you can do to relieve yourself of such an incredible burden of boredom. Things you didn't even know you could do, until you've decided to! Eventually in the future you would research all the spells you would use and send them to yourself in the past, but now is not the time for research.

Now, it is time to do something. But what is it that appeals to you?

(what the fuck am i doing)

[lantzblades]

Gather my kobold hordes and scream at Pittance my Goblin slave for being late

[The Man With All The Cute Boats]

(how the hell did I miss your post until now?)

An idea washes over you.

"Pittance! Pittance, you fool, where are you!?" You scream, your voice magically projecting through your tower. That stupid Pittance, being late like this to your boredom curing!

Your unscheduled boredom curing, a small part of your mind tells you reasonably, but you are a wizard! Reason is unneeded! So, you shut down that part of your brain with magic. With your conscience gone, you restart your search.

"Pittance!" You yell once more, and from the lowest steps of the tower steps start being heard. Surely enough, the kobold appears, slightly fatigued from being woken up in the middle of the day. He was still, however, wearing his butler outfit! Good, good, you think to yourself.

A wizard with no butler is no wizard at all. Preferably a treacherous butler, but what you have will have to suit you.

"Pittance, gather my kobold armies! We have... things to do!" You yell at him, not terribly sure what these things are. Whatever they are though, you'll need your armies for them. The reptilian creature looks at your for a bit, before nodding and heading for the door, no doubt gathering the generals.

That Pittance, what a hard worker. You consider giving him a raise, before you remember that you don't pay him at all. A 100% raise, then, would suit him fine.

The armies are on their way, but until then, what do you do for more preparation to this boredom curing of yours?

[Alice]

You are a Wizard! And Wizard needs food badly. You must replenish your mana and hit points and that precious hunger meter with the mystical Chee~tos and Dew from the Mountain!

And then make sure that luxurious beard is groomed. Because a wizard is not a wizard without his beard.

[The Man With All The Cute Boats]

(A beard on his... neck, perhaps?)
(And yes, Magic is very selective of what it can or can't do. Time travel? Sure. Laundry? Fuck no)

A thought occurs to you, far too late: You are in no condition to greet your armies the way you are! Your beard is poorly maintained, your robes soiled with layers of cheese and spilled Dew Of The Mountain!

Speaking of which, you are also hungry.

You do not, however, have time for laundry before the armies would arrive. So you go to your bathroom, and magic your beard into perfect shape. Yes, long and white, like that one fellow Gondola or whatever they call him. Good.

Your robes are already stained with your sustenance anyway, so you figure that if you stain them with more droppings, perhaps people would just assume they were supposed to look like that! This idea in mind, you summon your cheesy snacks and your Dew Of The Mountain, and proceed to eat like a complete and utter slob on purpose, to make as big a mess as possible.

Perfect. No one can see through the disguise of your now orange and blotched robes.

Just as you admire your work and lick your fingers, there is a knock from the door. Your butler absent, you must do something about it yourself!

But what...?

[Alice]

(Perhaps~ )

Perhaps it is a peasant. And there's only one way to greet peasants! And that's to set their hair on fire.