Sarse: When and how did you realize Saminga and Lucifer were wrong?
Sarse: It wasn't immediate. It was something that I realized over time as I interacted with humans during my first centuries of life. I came into the mortal world with hate and scorn driving me, but I saw both the good and bad in humans. In fact, it was because I saw the bad despite their potential for otherwise that I should have been filled with even more scorn, possessed to follow Saminga and Lucifer, but all it induced in me was ataraxia. I forced myself to keep going by filling my heart with lies. A damnable time in my memories. But lies catch up to you when you're forced to constantly confront them. It was upsetting, even revolting to me, and I couldn't accept the world I was a part of.
My paradigm only started to change for self-preservation. It was nothing noble or hopeful that motivated me. At first. But that change brought self-questioning. It made me contemplate things in a way I hadn't before. Wasn't the fact that humans had the potential they did amazing? Wasn't life required to make so many things possible, even us celestials? I don't know when my thoughts started to follow that logic. Maybe there was an event or two that marked me then that are hazy now. I don't recall exactly, but I remember it coming to a climax. I remember when my defiance began, asking myself, how could Silence be the truth when there was such beauty to be found in the Symphony?
I suppose the rest is history.
