Vanguard
Vanguard raised an eyebrow and while his smirk was one of contempt, for the first time there was attention in his look. He was curious, perhaps even intrigued.
"Freedom? Aah, how tempting... But I refuse. I don't care about empty promises, your honeyed words are wasted on deaf ears. I am just a boring little man, such wonderful gifts would be wasted on me." He said condescendingly. Indeed, it was quite intriguing how one could be this stupid.
No, he would never accept. How could he? If he was to gain this freedom, it would be with his own two hands. There was one who had made such promises, displaying wonderful charity and such. Perhaps this magician would find her skewered corpse rotting somewhere in his castle if he looked hard enough.
"But one can always use a friend. Right?"
Methuselah
The dark lord's steps echoed throughout the eternal plane of darkness, sending avalanches of calamity upon the poor innocent soil beneath his feet. The devastation sent upon the innocent critters squirming below was such that it dwarfed the great apocalypses, showers of nuclear hellfire poured upon the innocent grass and it was no more- but less tidy grass.
Such a being would surely summon forth great calamity, perhaps even the end of the world. Terror and bloodshed would crush one another until nothing but despair remained. But not today, for the dark god had a job to do. And nothing would stand in his way.
Suddenly, an explosion erupted before him, shaking the earth and almost sending the shadow deity stumbling down in surprise, shock and amounts of fear as generous as salsa in a plate of nachos. Luckily he was wearing brown pants.
The demonic deity turned around and stared at the spectacle, a massive dragon sinking into the bowels of the earth, roaring with all its might while a warrior did battle with the beast. It was, it was...
It was just like his japanese anime!
But right now, Methuselah did not think of that, because he was too busy hiding behind a tree with his boots shaking. Damn, why did this have to happen to him? And why now? Calm, down, it is just a dragon and a legendary warrior, there is no need to fear. They aren't such a big deal anyway, this is nothing compared to marriage! You are a god, a mighty god, a powerful god! They are no match, so act like one and have them grovel before your dark powers as they mewl for mercy!!!!
Methuselah trembled and slightly poked out of the tree, pointing at the warrior and squeaking with all its terrible might.
"H-hey, please stop this!"