Well tells us about mu mord. As for your character arch is that really it? He sounds like he's conceptually a character who deserves more details. I mean he is intriguing but more is better when it comes to enforcer characters.
Well tells us about mu mord.
See that's just neat.
See that's just neat. OC's are requirement I think to keep fan fiction from becoming too similar. It's the little guys that make the story.I... what? Multiverse theory doesn't state that you moron. Multiverse means that there's one universe that he wins in. That's it. Not all of them, just ONE. And how the fuck is Zel no longer the second sorcerer. How. Just. How.
I have a big OC though so he's more prominent.
the story starts like this, Aoko Zelretch and Merlin enter origin and find that Crimson Moon is fused with Angra Manyu and the moon. Why? Because the multiverse theory states everything is possible and that the bad guy only needs to win once to collapse all of reality. They surmise that they could summon every hero in very universe and stop the end of everything.
the problem is three fold however. One Zelretch can no longer use the second magic. Two Merlin cannot link origin to the normal world with his own energies. Three Aoko can't find a hero to defeat crim because history says Crimson Moon won.
Knowing this they choose a timeline to shatter to solve these issues and force a paradox. This paradox is Satoshi. Ok, well the editor is getting slow so I'll post more later but I hope everyone understands so far....I have no words for how stupid this is. This is... just... fucking idiotic. Fucking idiotic. It doesn't even make any sense. At all. It's like, you... I can't. It's so bad that criticizing it is futile.
continuing.
The three sever the time line and begin to modify the paradox to suit their ends. First they cause Gilgamesh to kill Satoshi as a child. Shattering his soul and leaving the majority of it to be protected by the lady of the lake. Saber then gave him Avalon desperate to save her child. His body a receptor for Avalon (the isle) and the fairies magic connected through the noble phantasm caused his growth to continue and with the other pieces of his soul spread to other worlds his Origin became Unification and Restoration causing him to have a psychological desire to fix broken objects, relationships etcetera.
after Gilgamesh nearly killed him Saber finally relented and began to train her son. She reached out to other heroes from the grail war to do so.
Hercules and Medea taught him Wrestling, Endurance and survival in Hercules case and Magic theory in Medea's. Later the Latter position would be taken by Merlin. Aoko came to be an association teacher as a result of past events leaving Rin Tohsaka in charge of the association. Aoko would become Satoshi's sponsor of sorts and train and befriend the boy.
I... what? Multiverse theory doesn't state that you moron. Multiverse means that there's one universe that he wins in. That's it. Not all of them, just ONE. And how the fuck is Zel no longer the second sorcerer. How. Just. How.
...NOooooope. Noooope. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPE.
*Flips table*
LANTZ THIS IS THE FUCKING REASON WE CRY SUE - IT MAKES NO SENSE, IS CONTRIVED AS FUCK, MAKES YOUR OC THE CHOSEN ONE FOR NO FUCKING DECENTLY PLAUSIBLE REASON WHAT SO EVER, OVERPOWERS HIM INTO THE STRATOSPHERE, MAKES ME WANT TO BEAT HIS HEAD IN WITH A CROWBAR, AND SCREAM LIKE A MADMAN.
Mainly because it isn't possible. Angry Manjuice and CM working together is simply impossible, as they are totally incompatible entities. AM is just simply pure evil. There's no negotiating with it, there's no allying with it it just IS. It'd be like cutting a deal with a rock. It's just not possible.I... what? Multiverse theory doesn't state that you moron. Multiverse means that there's one universe that he wins in. That's it. Not all of them, just ONE. And how the fuck is Zel no longer the second sorcerer. How. Just. How.
Not if his plan is to destroy Akasha or corrupt itself, which is outside any individual universe.
I don't know the exact detail of what Lantz is doing here, but I have had a similar plot idea before. Whether it's actually possible I'm not sure, Nasu is not overly clear on these things....Quote...NOooooope. Noooope. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPE.
*Flips table*
LANTZ THIS IS THE FUCKING REASON WE CRY SUE - IT MAKES NO SENSE, IS CONTRIVED AS FUCK, MAKES YOUR OC THE CHOSEN ONE FOR NO FUCKING DECENTLY PLAUSIBLE REASON WHAT SO EVER, OVERPOWERS HIM INTO THE STRATOSPHERE, MAKES ME WANT TO BEAT HIS HEAD IN WITH A CROWBAR, AND SCREAM LIKE A MADMAN.
Magos, cut it out. We don't want you attacking Lantz in every thread you can find, and we certainly don't want you flipping out every time Satoshi is mentioned. If you can't keep calm and refrain from attacking Lantz, then don't bother commenting.
I can point out a number of stories that use the multiple worlds theory to the same effect I have. Notably crisis on infinite earths and chrono cross. The consensus I received from other users on bl who backed up their claims with research was that Zelretch loses the second magic at some point. They attributed this to his transformation into a vampire. I trust those users therefore I have used their interpretation. The rest of what you have to say clearly shows you cannot read as the first post is quite clear that this is a polite, safe thread to present the characters.>Using Crisis on Infinite Earths as a source
Magos should expand on his sometime. :3 Tell us what his favorite brand of ice cream is or what brew he likes his coffee or something.He actually avoids coffee (he dislikes the taste), along with alcohol. He's taking a fuckload of immunosuppresants because otherwise his body would flat out reject his new limbs. Think of them like Crests, except instead of being sorta slowly implanted and adapting to your body somewhat, are instead always in the 'REJECTION' stage Rin mentions where the body wants to get rid of it.
No Arch. I was told this when did extensive research into everything in the Nasuverse. I am not obligated to provide you with anything even if the links were still available to me in light of your behavior I refuse. The consensus I received was Zel loses the magic. The theory was vampirism was the cause.AKA you don't have sources and are pulling shit out of your ass. Thanks for confirming that Lantz.
I am giving examples of stories based on the same principle facts and theories, you're welcome to dislike my choice of example but I I'm not going to change it.
you are well within your right to not like him Alice but I did the research and in light of that I have the right to do as I wish.
And no, Zel hasn't lost the second magic. Fucking links man or you're full of shit.
Mainly because it isn't possible. Angry Manjuice and CM working together is simply impossible, as they are totally incompatible entities. AM is just simply pure evil. There's no negotiating with it, there's no allying with it it just IS. It'd be like cutting a deal with a rock. It's just not possible.
Oh, no, I'm not attacking Lantz, I'm attacking his OC. You seem to not be able to tell the fucking difference. Do you want me to go over in more detail WHY this is wrong?
1st, you do not just simply 'Lose' the ability to do the Second Magic.
2. Medea would never fucking do anything for free or for that matter, I doubt Herc would even bother teaching him shit.
3. His origin spreading to other universes? That doesn't make sense and it doesn't work that way.
4. Why this dude in specific? Why the Gilgamesh shit? How am I supposed to find any of this remotely plausible in the context of the Nasuverse? Because I can't, no matter how hard I look I simply can't find a sense of plausibility.
5. This seems to be a self insert sue and character however I look at it. He's just... impossible. He rapes canon like the Nazi's did Eastern Europe. An OC should fit within canon. Satoshi doesn't.
What Cherry is trying to say is that it's not worth getting angry over. I suspect some of what you said in that big ol' paragraph of doom is just emphasized for dramatic effect, but like I've said elsewhere, it's not worth the upset. Trust me, that just leads to "fun" things like a depressed immune system (the usage of "depressed" is legit here, I swear! :-X), and from recent personal experience, I can tell you it's not worth it in the long run. (If I sound like I'm talking down to you, that's not intentional, and I'm sorry.)
...I should probably write something about Mille and Finn in here even though I pretty much made them up from scratch for the RP, huh? ^_^"
And no, Zel hasn't lost the second magic. Fucking links man or you're full of shit.
Lantz doesn't have to find citations for every element of his plot. As long as what he is saying is plausible then it is not up to him to prove it absolutely.Mainly because it isn't possible. Angry Manjuice and CM working together is simply impossible, as they are totally incompatible entities. AM is just simply pure evil. There's no negotiating with it, there's no allying with it it just IS. It'd be like cutting a deal with a rock. It's just not possible.
Well, Sakura kind-of managed it....QuoteOh, no, I'm not attacking Lantz, I'm attacking his OC. You seem to not be able to tell the fucking difference. Do you want me to go over in more detail WHY this is wrong?
Magos, you're attacking Lantz's writing ability. And, you called him a "moron", too. Further, none of that was in any way constructive. You were just shouting at him.Quote1st, you do not just simply 'Lose' the ability to do the Second Magic.
Can you prove this?Quote2. Medea would never fucking do anything for free or for that matter, I doubt Herc would even bother teaching him shit.
I think she would do things for free if she was dealing with a friend, and in any case Lantz never said it was necessarily free. Medea is somewhat selfish, but she's not completely lacking in any ability to be kind to people.Quote3. His origin spreading to other universes? That doesn't make sense and it doesn't work that way.
Not sure what you mean. His soul was, not his origin.Quote4. Why this dude in specific? Why the Gilgamesh shit? How am I supposed to find any of this remotely plausible in the context of the Nasuverse? Because I can't, no matter how hard I look I simply can't find a sense of plausibility.
Well, from the sounds of it is is somewhat contrived, but by design. As Lantz said, in a multiverse anything that can happen will happen. And, they set it up to be this way.Quote5. This seems to be a self insert sue and character however I look at it. He's just... impossible. He rapes canon like the Nazi's did Eastern Europe. An OC should fit within canon. Satoshi doesn't.
Magos, please stop the "Sue" stuff, it's really not constructive and it is always going to annoy people.What Cherry is trying to say is that it's not worth getting angry over. I suspect some of what you said in that big ol' paragraph of doom is just emphasized for dramatic effect, but like I've said elsewhere, it's not worth the upset. Trust me, that just leads to "fun" things like a depressed immune system (the usage of "depressed" is legit here, I swear! :-X), and from recent personal experience, I can tell you it's not worth it in the long run. (If I sound like I'm talking down to you, that's not intentional, and I'm sorry.)
Yeah, that's roughly true but, also, I do think he should stop having a go at Lantz for the sake of having a go at Lantz. It's not nice and it puts people off posting things if they expect to get flamed for them. If he has something constructive to say then fine, and if he has an actual reason to argue it then fine, but just going after Lantz for the sake of going after Lantz helps no-one.
The second post is somewhat better, though (although you are still being somewhat rude). Less angry and you're actually explaining the issue. The most annoying thing for a writer is to get told "it's shit" without any explanation. I got that when I tried writing my story and it stopped me doing it for about three years....Quote...I should probably write something about Mille and Finn in here even though I pretty much made them up from scratch for the RP, huh? ^_^"
Yeah, I need to add Kiyoshi and siblings at some point. And possibly some other OCs, too....
But it ISN'T Plausible. At all.
As for that, Sakura was getting it through a filter.
And all AM did was let her darkest desires and intentions come to the fore. The Grail acted as a buffer.
I am not obligated to provide a rude person with any information. I am not obligated to use your interpretation of any theory that possesses multiple interpretations. And finally I am not obligated to accept your view point or opinions. In short Arch, leave me alone until you can act properly.While you're not obligated to use my interpretation you're also obligated to explain it's your interpretation, when asked where it comes from (And providing fucking LINKS) and to in general not act like a spoiled little brat about your story denying any criticism leveled at it for valid reasons. Another thing is that while you don't have to accept or even like my opinions, you need to acknowledge that my opinions are likely not just my own opinions and will probably be the opinions of a good segment of your audience. Instead of asking "Hey, why do they find something wrong with this." you seem to be going down the path of "I'm the author I'm always right." which is a horrible thing to do in fanfiction especially. Not only are you the one who usually acts improperly (Deleting threads for a bit of criticism and advice, whining about how we don't get it, refusing to even acknowledge that something might need to be improved, and a billion other things that I could go on and on about) you also never admit it when you are wrong, and you never FIX it either.
While you're not obligated to use my interpretation you're also obligated to explain it's your interpretation, when asked where it comes from (And providing fucking LINKS)
and to in general not act like a spoiled little brat about your story denying any criticism leveled at it for valid reasons.
Another thing is that while you don't have to accept or even like my opinions, you need to acknowledge that my opinions are likely not just my own opinions and will probably be the opinions of a good segment of your audience.
Instead of asking "Hey, why do they find something wrong with this." you seem to be going down the path of "I'm the author I'm always right." which is a horrible thing to do in fanfiction especially. Not only are you the one who usually acts improperly (Deleting threads for a bit of criticism and advice, whining about how we don't get it, refusing to even acknowledge that something might need to be improved, and a billion other things that I could go on and on about) you also never admit it when you are wrong, and you never FIX it either.
Lantz. Honestly, I don't hate you. I don't. I want to help you, I want to make you a better writer. But you simply don't acknowledge any valid feedback thrown at you, brushing it off. The way you present your ideas to us doesn't help either. You won't even admit "Yeah, I changed this to make the story work better." It's always your way or the highway and frankly, I'm fucking sick of that attitude. I'm sick of your 'don't like don't read' claims. I'm sick of your refusal to edit your shit. I'm sick in general of your antics and victim complex. Nobody is out to get you Lantz, but if you keep acting like you do I can't say there won't eventually be somebody.
Little point, as the person trying to disprove his interpretation, one used for creating a piece of fanfiction, it'd be up to you to find sources stating that his interpretation is incorrect, instead of the other way around. Fanfiction at its core involves making something up, after all, whether it's a story or a whole bunch of stuff.
That being said, full stop on this. I get the feeling that if it's not reined in now, it'll devolve down into something very personal and unwanted by everyone.
So Magos's post? It's the last one on this particular subject. We're done, right here and right now. Everyone move on and talk about something else.
As for moving the subject to something else, since I'm actually a bit tuckered out, I'll actually take questions on my aforementioned OCs for now in place of an infodump. :) It's a bit more informal than a big infodump from me anyway, plus I get to see if I'm actually making them interesting enough to warrant asking about or not....That possibly seems a bit attention-whorey of me, so other people can do the same with their OCs as well. ^_^"
Lack of evidence also disproves as much as it proves something. Just saying. Burden of proof is also on Lantz because he's the one who's claiming something first.In case it wasn't clear in the earlier post, which I'd understand why, the call to drop this all was a Moderator action. Capital M.
Also, the main problem is I can't see anyone approving of Lantz's stories direction without ripping it to shreds like I've done. Someone always needs to play devils advocate.
EDIT: And this behavior of lantz's here entirely justifies my point. He isn't willing to listen or accept criticism or dissent of any type.
Satoshi would later be the test subject for the later named Rider Arm, a belt device created by Rin Tohsaka as a reverse engineering of Zelretch's kaldo Ruby. The prototype attuned to the user (Satoshi) and drew his soul rather than just energy to him from the other worlds. This means that as the later dubbed Rider Crimson is Satoshi fighting at 1500 Times his final power (this assumes Ruby Causes a girl to assume 1000 times their normal ability) this also gave Rin false data on the project leading to a side project later on.
Satoshi for years expressed a hatred of animals caused by the lost of a familiar created by Medea at Saber's request. This familiar was Satoshi's first friend, a stuffed lion named Gao who could grow as big as a van and appear as a real lion with all the ferocity of the real thing. The pair were reunited sometime after Satoshi's revival after his first death.
No arch, just no...Dude, it's a joke.
Erm Alice Arch and I weren't arguing. I missed the joke he corrected it and that was that. You and xam are the ones keeping it alive....That isn't an answer lantz. What are Toshi's weaknesses. It's a simple question.
as for his stuff. What exactly are you referring to because largely I think you're missing the webbing of development those devices give the other characters and further a large number of references in and of themselves. Further two things. One Perseus had a ton of stuff without it being weird and secondly to quote Touko Aozaki "a reality. Marble is for those with low combat ability"
It draws energy from other worlds to change the users form. It increases their power from the change. The factor is an estimate based on Rin normally versus with ruby.
hit by a car saving Satoshi, there's more to it but I'll explain in later.
Erm Alice Arch and I weren't arguing. I missed the joke he corrected it and that was that. You and xam are the ones keeping it alive.
as for his stuff. What exactly are you referring to because largely I think you're missing the webbing of development those devices give the other characters and further a large number of references in and of themselves. Further two things. One Perseus had a ton of stuff without it being weird and secondly to quote Touko Aozaki "a reality. Marble is for those with low combat ability"
Honestly, it is rather weird even with Perseus, it just works because it's mostly an indication of how much the Gods favoured him. If you look at how people like Rider talk about him it's pretty clear they see him as a real-life Marty Stu.Rider is so biased, man. But she's sort of right, they did see him negatively.
I have a couple other OC's for the Nasuverse in the works, though I will probably need help in evening a few of them out.
For example one character I call Red is an Immortal Being that cannot age but can be killed, only to regenerate sometime later and the speed of the regeneration is relevant to the amount of damage his body sustains. Red knows a great deal of magecraft and runes but his luck is very low which results in many of his casting to either fail outright or mess up entirely, the only redeeming feature I had in mind for Red was his magical capability. My intention is for Red to possess enough Prana producing circuits to be referred to as the Living Ley Line, Red is meant to be a powerhouse with a less than average amount of control and a reserve of magical power great enough to make almost any servant nearly invincible. Red however is supposed to be simple minded and pure of heart, the type of person who'd help anyone out of the kindness of his heart but have the morals to know right form wrong.
This is an in-universe writeup for one of my own OCs, intended to provide a snapshot of this character just prior to the bulk of events I've written him into so far. (The author of the report is another OC, as is another key person named therein.)
I have a couple other OC's for the Nasuverse in the works, though I will probably need help in evening a few of them out.
For example one character I call Red is an Immortal Being that cannot age but can be killed, only to regenerate sometime later and the speed of the regeneration is relevant to the amount of damage his body sustains. Red knows a great deal of magecraft and runes but his luck is very low which results in many of his casting to either fail outright or mess up entirely, the only redeeming feature I had in mind for Red was his magical capability. My intention is for Red to possess enough Prana producing circuits to be referred to as the Living Ley Line, Red is meant to be a powerhouse with a less than average amount of control and a reserve of magical power great enough to make almost any servant nearly invincible. Red however is supposed to be simple minded and pure of heart, the type of person who'd help anyone out of the kindness of his heart but have the morals to know right form wrong.
Hmm, I missed this before....
He sounds potentially interesting, but also possibly a bit powerful. It depends somewhat on the context he is used in, though.
Satoshi has no combat weakness directly most of his issues are moral, psychological or,emotional. There are a number of ways to get past his numerous powers but you have to be a guy like Batman or Archer to have the foresight and resources to to so. A bit late but that's my kryptonite answer.So unless you have an arsenal and resources like Batman, you don't have a chance? What the hell Lantz, that is not a weakness at all.
Heroic characters are good, we need a few more good characters around to balance the neutral ones.
Aoi seems pretty interesting. You do need to work on her personality a bit though.
As for the gem? Jade would be a very poor choice for shadow magic. Jade's generally a healing and good luck stone. I'd recommend something like Labradorite, Black Spinel, or Smokey Quartz.
You don't seem to have anything on who Aoi's husband is; that seems to be something that you should rectify.Aoi seems pretty interesting. You do need to work on her personality a bit though.
Yeah, definitely. I'm really quite stuck on that, though, so I would appreciate any ideas people might have.QuoteAs for the gem? Jade would be a very poor choice for shadow magic. Jade's generally a healing and good luck stone. I'd recommend something like Labradorite, Black Spinel, or Smokey Quartz.
Ah, OK, thanks. I really don't know much about gemstones....
You don't seem to have anything on who Aoi's husband is; that seems to be something that you should rectify.
For that matter, would you mind my using some of your characters in some of my fanfiction Mike? Probably going to post it here, give the family a role and a reworking of the Nameless Enforcer.
I still say he needs to be fleshed out at least a little. The girl is married to him for gods sakes.
Well, he's not really meant to be anyone important, just some random guy she met and fell in love with. She might be more magus-like than her mother is, but she doesn't let it get in the way of her happiness to that extent.
Hmm, what fanfiction is this?
And, no, I don't mind as long as it's posted on DSM (preferably first, so it can attract people over here), you acknowledge who wrote them and where to find me and they're not treated really badly or horribly mischaracterised. I have no problem with my characters being used by someone else, but I have no desire whatsoever to see them used to help out BL, after the way they've treated (and continue to treat) me. I also expect that anyone who has questions about my characters should be directed here to get them answered...
Look, you can think whatever you damn well like about my ban, I do not want my characters used to help in any way a forum which does not let me access it. It is as simple as that.Ahahahahah, Mike, chill man. Cool your jets. Let's not get into this.
As far as I am concerned the way they (Altima in particular) treated me and continue to treat me (some of the crap talked about me is horrendous) and the fact that they do not let me respond to any of that crap means I do not want any involvement with them whatsoever, directly or indirectly. Further, I am running my own forum that needs posts and fics to have a chance of surviving, and every fic that is posted primarily on BL makes this forum less and less viable. Additionally, after the way I've been treated (and the fact that most people, even ones who were my friends, cannot be bothered to come over to this forum or put relatively little effort into it if they do) I am somewhat unhappy with the fandom in general, so I am not overly inclined to do stuff for them for the sake of it.
As for the husband, yeah, he does need fleshing-out ultimately, but it's less urgent than getting her right is.
And, I can understand the characterisation stuff, I don't mind you getting some stuff wrong, or even changing things round a bit to make them fit. I just don't want you completely fucking with them to fit some agenda (particularly one that I would dislike).
Also, stop giving ill-informed opinions on my ban. You do not have a clue what really happened, because Altima and friends carefully cover it up and hide behind their bullshit.
Yeah, pretty much the whole thing wasn't a fun time for Cherry, so naturally he's still not too happy about it. The way some of that was handled wasn't that great too. I'll leave it at that, though. The rest can be sorted out via PM. Let's just chill out in here and get all the way back on the rails.
Hmm, should I post stuff about Becky in here before her identity gets revealed, or after? Before I'd have to shove stuff in spoiler tags, but eh.
Though it's probably not going to happen now, right now I'm actually running on zero sleep, and thus am probably not in the best state to type such elaborate things. Sleep deprivation drunkenness go, wheee!
Well, the whole issue with BL is still rather raw for me, particularly since they have never made any attempt to talk about it reasonably or rationally with me. Altima in particular I am still really upset with, since he was my friend and then suddenly shat all over me after lying through his hind teeth to me over MSN the very night before (and consistently lying to and bullshitting me for most of the previous month, causing me to act in the way that got me banned in the first place).I'm assuming he went to an overseas school? There's a reason, I'll PM you about it.
As for the characters you're taking, that's OK, although it's odd that you'd pick the character with basically no magical ability. Is there a reason for that?
Also, taking Shirou away from Sakura causes him problems due to his body, so you need to take that into account.
Well, it depends if you mind people finding out who she is, and if you want any help with her.Eh, probably her identity is about to be revealed soon enough in the RP anyway (so much for starting her out with a secret identity only to keep it for such a short time :P), but like I said before, if I have to, I can just toss the description into spoiler tags. :) It just depends on whether I should wait until it's safe to do so without the spoiler tags or not so it's easier for people to read or not.
Is this an attempt to fix your sleep patterns? :PLOL, not intentionally, but maybe. :P ...I maybe should at least take a nap or something though, I'm pretty sure my brain's just a touch fried right now, and I am pretty tired at this point. ^_^"
Well, the whole issue with BL is still rather raw for me, particularly since they have never made any attempt to talk about it reasonably or rationally with me. Altima in particular I am still really upset with, since he was my friend and then suddenly shat all over me after lying through his hind teeth to me over MSN the very night before (and consistently lying to and bullshitting me for most of the previous month, causing me to act in the way that got me banned in the first place).I'm assuming he went to an overseas school? There's a reason, I'll PM you about it.
As for the characters you're taking, that's OK, although it's odd that you'd pick the character with basically no magical ability. Is there a reason for that?
Also, taking Shirou away from Sakura causes him problems due to his body, so you need to take that into account.
Well, it depends if you mind people finding out who she is, and if you want any help with her.Eh, probably her identity is about to be revealed soon enough in the RP anyway (so much for starting her out with a secret identity only to keep it for such a short time :P), but like I said before, if I have to, I can just toss the description into spoiler tags. :) It just depends on whether I should wait until it's safe to do so without the spoiler tags or not so it's easier for people to read or not.
QuoteIs this an attempt to fix your sleep patterns? :PLOL, not intentionally, but maybe. :P ...I maybe should at least take a nap or something though, I'm pretty sure my brain's just a touch fried right now, and I am pretty tired at this point. ^_^"
Okay, I'll take the chance and assume you're serious about this and not one of CV's lame attempts at trolling. I have three pieces of advice for you.Quite serious actually, more so than I originally thought I'd be when this popped into my head.
1. Make your guy weaker, or at least make his final iteration weaker. This isn't something that's negotiable. The hard and fast rule is that Gilgamesh is the strongest Heroic Spirit. It's a rule for a reason. The fucker is OP on purpose and anyone capable of going toe to toe with serious Gil without pulling out an affinity advantage or the power of love (the explicit, author stated reason Saber beat him in Fate) is too strong to be a good character, no matter how many thousands of words you spend justifying said power. You can still have a good story and awesome fights with a relatively weak protagonist, and in fact, they'll be better for it (Shirou and Shiki spend Tsukihime and FSN barely managing to survive and hitting way above their level). Just look at lantz. He thinks his guy Satoshi is the best thing ever, but every single person other than lantz hates Satoshi's guts, and for good reason. Your character is even worse than that, somehow.That's something I've been concerned about actually, almost exactly.
2. Read Sleeping With the Girls. It's a similar story to yours about an ordinary self insert thrown into a bunch of anime universes and forced to survive, and it's probably the best such story on the internet. If you're going to follow anyone's example, follow this story's.That's actually the inspiration for this! I rather enjoyed it and intend to capture a large portion of the feel of that store if I can.
3. Get a beta reader. Preferably not someone like Mike who only cares that his favourite character is treated nicely.I intend to! I have a friend or two that might, but the more eyes looking at this the better, do you have any suggestions for good Beta Readers? :)
The only thing I reconsidered was the format of the story. Other than that the thing that must change is that people listen when I speak. I shall not rewrite the story because it is a perfectly decent one, Satoshi is a decent character, I know as much because I'm far more critical of my own work than anyone else.(http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/564/925/d4f.jpg)
I have written bad characters, of which Satoshi is not one.
Thanks for spitting on me Bloble, that's awesome
Moving on I only skimmed that new oc, he seems, hmmm, broad I guess, I'll give a better look laterThat's actually deliberate. He's a jack of all trades and (supposed) to be a master of very few as a general rule, but rather obviously, that failed. Gonna get that fixed though!
the story starts like this, Aoko Zelretch and Merlin enter origin and find that Crimson Moon is fused with Angra Manyu and the moon. Why? Because the multiverse theory states everything is possible and that the bad guy only needs to win once to collapse all of reality. They surmise that they could summon every hero in very universe and stop the end of everything.This is... kind of crap? At least how you're explaining it here.
the problem is three fold however. One Zelretch can no longer use the second magic. Two Merlin cannot link origin to the normal world with his own energies. Three Aoko can't find a hero to defeat crim because history says Crimson Moon won.Why wouldn’t Zeltrech have access to the Second Magic? I’m not sure I understand that.
Knowing this they choose a timeline to shatter to solve these issues and force a paradox. This paradox is Satoshi. Ok, well the editor is getting slow so I'll post more later but I hope everyone understands so far.Following just fine at this point, but see above for the issues.
The three sever the time line and begin to modify the paradox to suit their ends. First they cause Gilgamesh to kill Satoshi as a child. Shattering his soul and leaving the majority of it to be protected by the lady of the lake. Saber then gave him Avalon desperate to save her child. His body a receptor for Avalon (the isle) and the fairies magic connected through the noble phantasm caused his growth to continue and with the other pieces of his soul spread to other worlds his Origin became Unification and Restoration causing him to have a psychological desire to fix broken objects, relationships etcetera.
after Gilgamesh nearly killed him Saber finally relented and began to train her son. She reached out to other heroes from the grail war to do so.
Hercules and Medea taught him Wrestling, Endurance and survival in Hercules case and Magic theory in Medea's. Later the Latter position would be taken by Merlin. Aoko came to be an association teacher as a result of past events leaving Rin Tohsaka in charge of the association. Aoko would become Satoshi's sponsor of sorts and train and befriend the boy.
Satoshi would later be the test subject for the later named Rider Arm, a belt device created by Rin Tohsaka as a reverse engineering of Zelretch's kaldo Ruby. The prototype attuned to the user (Satoshi) and drew his soul rather than just energy to him from the other worlds. This means that as the later dubbed Rider Crimson is Satoshi fighting at 1500 Times his final power (this assumes Ruby Causes a girl to assume 1000 times their normal ability) this also gave Rin false data on the project leading to a side project later on.
Satoshi learned how to use firearms secretly from his grandfather, although disliking the practice and not having mastery of the craft he knows more than enough to use them.
Satoshi for years expressed a hatred of animals caused by the lost of a familiar created by Medea at Saber's request. This familiar was Satoshi's first friend, a stuffed lion named Gao who could grow as big as a van and appear as a real lion with all the ferocity of the real thing. The pair were reunited sometime after Satoshi's revival after his first death.
That's a pretty nice breakdown. Though to clarify on who Satoshi's father is, it's Shirou. Somehow in lantz's universe, all the Servants are still around and fine and OK and married with children (because they're real now, because otherwise that means they're ok to kill apparently, so magically giving them all real bodies fixes that! ...Yeah, don't ask me how that works) and stuff....
Also, this might help you a bit as well:
http://darksidemoon.net/SMF_forum/index.php/topic,55.msg12155.html#msg12155 (http://darksidemoon.net/SMF_forum/index.php/topic,55.msg12155.html#msg12155)
That's Satoshi's character sheet for Cross Effects. It's apparently what Toshi's abilities are cumulative after his adventures or whatever. ...If you think he looks Stu-ish now, wait until you see the sheet...
You're okay, kid.Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy
sometimes asking the wrong questions, but hey
You're okay.
Hmm, interesting. Is that just the sort of characters you like?
I've honestly wanted to ask Ivan, ever since Rattus pulled that gun way back in the annex just never had the chance.
What exactly is rattus' involvement in world war two? As I recall he was a Nazi officer, but there's a big difference depending on how he was involved.
What exactly is rattus' involvement in world war two? As I recall he was a Nazi officer, but there's a big difference depending on how he was involved.
He was in the Schutzstaffel, with the rank of Hauptstrumfuehrer. First in the Allegemeine SS, then later on to Totenkopfverbaende during his service in Dachau. He was later on transferred to Auschwitz when it first opened, then served as the head guard for the Birkenau subcamp. He was in the Guard Battalion and, if my research is correct, people assigned as camp guards seldom had direct contact with the prisoners, if it ever happened.
Next question.
They probably didn't have a lot of contact, no, but I'm pretty sure they knew what was going on there. Especially as the head guard.
How did Yukina and that alchemist guy meet Rattus exactly?
Yes, he did know. The problem is that the Shoah as we know it didn't really start when Dachau, the very first concentration camp, opened in 1933, neither did it start in 1940, when Auschwitz opened. In fact, the very first inmates of these camps were criminal and political prisoners during their earliest days. It wasn't until in 1942, when Himmler ordered that all Jewish people imprisoned in the German camps should be transferred to the extermination camps Auschwitz and Majdanek, that the mass killing didn't happen.
And I believe I specified this on the background story in his CE profile, but I did basically say that when Rattus saw the first mass transport of German Jews to Auschwitz, he started to realize what kind of person Hitler really is and it made him disillusioned and disgusted at the Nazi regime. Despite that or maybe even because of that, he went on and just continued to serve at Auschwitz, partly because he because he became cynical and lost all hope for the future, and partly because of Pflichtbewusstsein or his Prussian sense of duty.
And during his time at the camp, he refused to do anything directly harmful or directly beneficial to the prisoners.
I'm pretty sure concentration camps weren't exactly nice places even before the Holocaust started. They were pretty much places for Hitler to dump anyone he didn't like and work them to death. Anyone willing to uphold such a system is a complete asshole.
Wow, so "sense of duty" is more important than mass murder? What an complete and utter wanker...
That really doesn't absolve him, at all. He knew they were murdering people, and yet he not only refused to help them in any way, but even actively assisted in ensuring that they would be murdered. Saying "he didn't do anything directly harmful" is just a bullshit cop-out excuse. The guy is an asshole.
I'm pretty sure concentration camps weren't exactly nice places even before the Holocaust started. They were pretty much places for Hitler to dump anyone he didn't like and work them to death. Anyone willing to uphold such a system is a complete asshole.
Rattus isn't a complete asshole. The guy fought in the trenches of World War 1, most notably in Somme. When his country got slapped with the War Guilt Clause in the Treaty of Versailles and got reduced to poverty, he got really angry, so he was determined to bring his country back to prominence, especially when he was there when Prussia faced Napoleon during his conquests, when the German Confederation became the German Empire.
In other words, he can't take that the Empire he helped build just suddenly fell from grace, so he bit the bullet while serving at the camps. He wanted to get the Germany he loved back to the top, even at the price of political liberties. He just didn't expect that Hitler will actually massacre the Jews, knowing that they'll gain nothing if Hitler did so.
QuoteWow, so "sense of duty" is more important than mass murder? What an complete and utter wanker...
You're taking this in the wrong way. He was immortal, not invulnerable. And so, since he has no other powers than immortality, what can one man do to stop a massacre that grand in scale. Remember, he lost hope and he became cynical.
QuoteThat really doesn't absolve him, at all. He knew they were murdering people, and yet he not only refused to help them in any way, but even actively assisted in ensuring that they would be murdered. Saying "he didn't do anything directly harmful" is just a bullshit cop-out excuse. The guy is an asshole.
I'm not absolving him. That's why I also said he did nothing beneficial to the prisoners as a camp guard. He is guilty of just throwing his hands up when it finally sunk in him that the Jews were going to be killed for the sake of the Nazi ideology, because he knew that he can't do anything about it as lone person. And besides, how can you say that I am absolving him if I basically just said that he did nothing to help the Jews at all, not out of hatred for them, but because of his cynicism?
In either way, he wasn't an asshole, he was a cynical loser. This, combined with the fact that he did do a one-man guerrilla campaign against the French when they got hold of Prussia back the Napoleonic Wars, is a giant wake-up call to him, as a reminder that cynicism isn't equal to practicality.
Except that he was guarding the camps in which the massacre took place. How can he claim not to know what was going on there?
Well, you could walk into Berlin and shoot Hitler for one thing....
My point is that there are no excuses for what he did, at all. Dumb nationalism is not a justification for overlooking mass murder.