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Lantz's fics / Re: The Nasuverse in perspective.

« on: May 14, 2014, 12:40:21 PM »

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Fanfiction / Re: Adrift in the Kaleidoscope (Brainstorming / Summary / Criticism Thread)

« on: March 21, 2014, 11:43:09 PM »

Everything I'm replying to is quoted inside the post.

[Spoiler]

3

Fanfiction / Re: Adrift in the Kaleidoscope (Brainstorming / Summary / Criticism Thread)

« on: March 21, 2014, 12:38:08 AM »

Preface: posting this here, because I might as well spread the fun.

By the way Andoriol, I think I should tell you now that I'm having more fun discussing this story as an idea than I am anticipating reading it. Moreover, there were multiple grammar mistakes in the draft. I've fixed them, but please take care to edit before the next revision.

Okay, here's a heavily revised version, still ultra-rough-draft at the moment. I'll take the time to add Servant Stats if people thinks this looks okay so far.

I'm inordinately proud of the Fourth Swing F/SN for some reason.

This isn't even relevant but being proud of something is a bad idea. It fosters complacency.

First Swing

Spoiler for Hiden:

F/SN

Because of a broken and twisted Grail and Caster's overwhelming power, a living being from the depths of the Kaleidoscope is pulled as a Servant, using the Second Magic rather than the Third, summoning OCdoriol as (False) Assassin.

This sentence is awkwardly long. You're not wrong to say that the Grail is directly connected to the Third Magic. However, it has no systems that link it to the Second. That, and it's monstrously unsatisfying to have OCdoriol pulled in just because of a random event like this. If I had to describe it, the issue is that even if Caster was more hax than she already is, it's already pushing the limits of probability that False Assassin was summoned. There has to be a clear, if subtle, reason for OCdoriol specifically to be summoned.

And, ahem, I know it contradicts the basic premise, but I think the entire story would be a lot more interesting if you chose to make him a person with an unhealthy interest in fictional media, but removed the notion that he should be familiar with every universe. If the idea is that he is hurtling through infinite realities, then it's very likely that he'll run into many that he's not familiar with. For example, in a Fate summoning, he is a person who has never played the VN. Instead, he comes from a universe in which Tsukihime took off and launched a legion of spin-offs. Keep him familiar with the basic notions of Fate, just so that he's not totally useless, but leave him unaware of broad areas which can be both interesting and believable to write.

As he is still truly alive, he doesn't need Prana from Caster, nor is he bound to the arch, so he hauls ass once he can and tries to get into contact with Rin or Shirou. It's on the UBW route and he's able to get into contact with Shirou. It takes some convincing, but he's able to get them to at least believe him. He tries to convince Archer that his plan won't work and that the group (and Sakura) needs him, but it's not much later that Caster kills him horribly for his betrayal... and OCdoriol doesn't want to die, it's all he can think about at those last moments-... and the Grail, twisted as it is, grants his wish. It renders him unable to truly die, but sends him cascading through the Kaleidoscope.

Ha ha, well that was my suggestion, so it would be pretty awkward if I were to suddenly contradict myself. What do you mean by "at least believe him?" What do they believe him about? How is this an at least when it's everything he can hope for that they believe him? As for the Sliding being a function of the Grail, this is actually quite interesting. I don't believe that the Grail is actually capable of actualizing a True Magic on a super complicated level like what's required here. When Avenger presented his wish, the Grail granted it literally, well within the boundaries of the current World. So under the conditions of this situation, OCdoriol would be held within the Grail for a while, waiting for the Grail to power up enough to grant his wish. Of course, it's just a clump of magical energy. There has to be a pathway to route it into or it can't do anything. This implies a specific need for OCdoriol to have some kind of affinity with the Second Magic.

Spoiler for Hiden:

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
Replaces Revan. Dies very early on, keeps a blaster?

I've already expressed a distaste for this setting. The game in isolation is pretty alright, but the plot is all kinds of cringe. I'll put that aside and consider it plainly. Honestly, it's more significant that he can snatch up future tech and bring it to worlds that are infinitely less advanced, than it is that he can shoot laser beams. (I am well aware that this gun does not fire traditional laser beams.)
What I think makes sense from this progression, is that he initially can't control his body properly, and so dies shortly after waking up for the first time. (In an attack on the Endar Spire according to the wiki.)

Baldur’s Gate
Summoned by a Tsundere Elf Wizard protagonist as a Familiar.

Cute. Execute this properly and it might be somewhat enjoyable.

He can’t communicate with anyone except his master empathetically.

Again, this seems fine. I don't know how well it fits with the mechanics of Gate but it it's interesting I won't care.

She’s very irritated with him, though confused as well, but she does her best to take care of him since he’s just as confused as she is.

Probably more confused. At this point won't he just be a rather pathetic and desperate young adult in a ridiculous fantasy?

She gets him equipped with basic armor and a sword and taught basic not-dying skills, especially since he takes a portion of her power to maintain.

Or she dispells him herself since he's absolutely worthless to her. (jk, mostly.) How basic is this armor? It can't be plate or chainmail since OCdoriol should too weak to even stand with such armor on. Is it just a set of leather padding? That much seems to fit. If he gets a sword, I'm pretty sure that he shouldn't be capable of using it too easily. So for this stage, he's an amateur in an inconvenient situation. Basic sword skill learned: "Put the pointy end here."

They start to teach each other language.

Anti-summoning spell hits him and he dissipates.

Incredibly basic. Develop it much much more before engaging a write.

Familiar of Zero
Summoned as part of the ritual, but as a wraith.

The storyline proper isn’t affected much at this point, but Saito’s relationships are.

Sticks with Saito until he’s exorcised

This seems alright. I have no idea how you can make it interesting. At this level, it's good enough for a quick spin of the imagination, but barely a story arc. Make him and Saito interact in a really great way or this is going to fall apart.

Second Swing

Spoiler for Hiden:

F/SN
Summoned as (False) Assassin again, it’s very much like the first time he did this, though this time he tries to learn some magic… and gets his Circuits activated, which basically fries him alive. He also tries to be hidden from Caster, which works! But he’s killed not very far into the war all the same.

This isn't even an arc. It's not even half an arc. Alright, the problem is that I don't know if OCdoriol is the kind of human that can have circuits. It's almost certainly a hereditary anomaly localized to the Nasuverse, so how can he have any circuits to activate? It should, however, be basically impossible for him to learn Magecraft. He's a literal zero potential, so he makes Shirou look like a master Magus. How does he hide from Caster? Why does he hide from Caster? Does he have Presence Concealment? (Note: This can't happen.) So let's see. His time in the Gate has probably made him a human on the level of the lowest squire in Camelot. His strength, at this stage, can be considered to be at an F-. So yay, he's gone from weak hikikomori to halfway fit normal human.

SW: KotOR
Replaces Revan once more, is actually competent this time, becomes a Jedi and learns the force, creating his own lightsaber.

What is the timeframe for these developments. He should be complete shit unless he's working on Revan's innate advantages. How in the world does he learn the complex mechanisms necessary to make a lightsaber. I don't believe that that's a likely development.

Given the power this body has in the Force, he’s surprisingly competent. Given several months of training and combat, he learns a fair amount. He’s overwhelmed by Revan’s personality on Korriban. He keeps his relatively unique lightsaber, a noticeably longer handle and blade on it to allow for more crystals and battery power.

Nonsense. Force ability is raw power. You can't equate this to precision with a weightless laser sword. This development is unnecessarily awesomecool.

He loses his eye and has to get it replaced, in a bit of vanity, he makes it purple

I'll accept this.

He lacks the innate charisma that Revan truly possessed, but he’s very likable, he gets along with most of his companions that he gathers aside from Bastilla (which confuses him as he normally gets along with hard-asses rather well)

A weird flag is set. What does "likable" mean? Does he hit it off with the assassin droid or is he more chummy with the pilot?

Baldur’s Gate
He’s re-summoned by the same mage. She teaches him enough magic to let him learn a translation spell… at which point they have a long talk.

Why didn't she just cast the spell on him in the first place.

She helps him learn arcane magic (noting that it’s a bit of a drain on her, but damnit, if he’s going to drain her casting abilities, he’s going to have some use).

Alright so he has 2 MP and can occasionally cast a tiny tiny Prestidigitation?

When he describes what he tried to learn from Rin with Thaumaturgy, his master asks if he could teach her what he knows in exchange. He admits to knowing basically jack all about it but does what he can. He finds that she has a whopping 25 Circuits that even as they are hold more than his do. The drain of sustaining him lessens considerably, but that right there is basically the extent of his knowledge.

Mhm, also how does she have circuits.

They push further into the game, he gets hit with another dispel but it doesn’t work as he flares his power.

What power? Prana? You can't flare Prana. It sets you on fire if you let it escape your circuits without direction. Isn't it simpler to just call this "An amalgamated spell shield created as a function of his new affinity to multiple magics." and make it so weak that it can only resist the most basic status effects?

Also now that I think about it who the heck would think to use a Dispel against a normal looking human.

Between himself and the protagonist, they figure out a fair bit of ultra basic F/SN magic while she teaches him Arcane theory at nights while they travel. While he’s a quick study, she’s damn brilliant

Don't wank a character like this. She's working in a new field of magic with a super amateur instructor. Not to mention that she literally shouldn't have circuits.

They get further in the series but he’s killed.

THE DETAILS PLEASE.

He can’t really use the Force here worth a damn, though the instinct works slightly, at least when facing sentient opponents.

This fits with what I was imagining. He carries the path to a type of magic within him, but despite this he can't enforce it on the world without more power than he can hold.

Familiar of Zero
He’s summoned on top of Saito once again, but it’s the same Saito who had Louise re-summon to bring him back

His intelligence, teaching, and relative emotional maturity helps things along as well as makes their lives easier as they go along. Saito amusingly plays off any sage advice or things as “a voice in my head”, doing so jokingly.

While the actual actions don’t change much, the respect and maturity of Saito, Louise, and the harem that Saito gathers up is different.

While the Force doesn’t work very well here, OCdoriol is able to use it weakly, it works best as a defensive measure and linking up with Saito more directly to help guide him in combat.

OCdoriol helps Saito keep Louise from being over-burdened in the war as well as arguing different tactics. He’s not an amazing ‘general’, but his lack of pride and ability to just shut the fuck up and think for hours on end helps make up for it some. It’s mostly that he (through Saito) offers a differing viewpoint

OCdoriol sticks with Saito until he dies in the massive battle, at which point he tells the younger man that he’s proud of him

That... Is disgustingly saccharine. Some bits are almost interesting but this is on the whole as boring as an ice cream flavored like sawdust. I think that adding tons of detail and then removing the peripherals would flesh this out properly.

Third Swing

Spoiler for Hiden:

F/SN
He gets summoned as-… Saber…? What the fu- … Oh fuck.

Is he Servant material now? I don't imagine that he could fit into a different class container so easily.

His Force-granted Instinct is at least partially functional, but he only helps Shirou avoid getting stabbed by Lancer by-… relying on the rules of hospitality? Which works because of Geas, at the very least long enough for Archer/Rin to arrive.

Has he memorized the Geasa that Lancer was stuck with? I don't imagine so. Still, he can't fight Lancer, so this will have to be pretty absurd to work.

He has absolutely piddly magic resistance and stats for a Saber, though the combination of lightsaber (which pretty much cuts EVERYTHING, even including Berserker (though only once) except for weapon phantasms) With the assistance of Archer they force a retreat from Berserker.

Here's what I think of the lightsaber. Instead of building his own after training, he bumbles through quests with Bastillia until his inexperience gets her killed. He nicks her saber and uses it for a few moments before dying. The thing he keeps is her saber. Repelling Berserker...

That was impossible for Artoria. Doriol isn't getting anywhere with it. The most I can imagine is that:

: Is a lightsaber?

Him building his own is unnecessarily cool. He isn't a Jedi, just a person borrowing their skills.

They head to the Mataou mansion and break Sakura free.

MATOU. THE NAME IS MATOU. I don't know what to think of this. It's too boring a development, too quick. Imagine the time between the moonlit summoning of Saber, and the first battle with Assassin. That's the amount of development you neglected here.

Rin moves to talk to Caster with ‘Saber’ and Archer as her support, leaving Rider with Shirou/Sakura at the Emiya place. Archer considers turning on them to get the command seals removed, but decides against it, acknowledging that ‘Saber’ is useless. OCdoriol takes offense to that! Archer shouldn’t have even considered turning on them with how super useless he is as a Servant. It’s like a damn comedy skit. Until OCdoriol’s magically hidden (and hidden magically) lightsaber hilt gets close enough to Caster for him to activate it and cut her in two when negotiations fail.

Erm, did you just say that Archer is a super useless Servant? That's not correct at all. I like the joking theme leading up to Caster's death though. Fits quite nicely.

Both Rin and Archer take exemption to the sudden-ness and sheer viciousness of it, and while OCdoriol admits he was hasty, making no excuses. He points out that he’s been killed horribly by her using a Pseudo-Command Seal to suffer to death. He does not like Caster and isn’t willing to take chances.

NOPENOPENOPENOPE.

Archer never just goes and says "I'm a Shirou from the future." In other words, characters like this won't succeed with the audience if they explain away their mystery to the other characters. If anything, this is the best time for him to feel exhilaration, and make a poor show at grandstanding at his success. About Kuzuki, eh, he might just go back to teaching.

Later, they end up fighting Berserker, and while Rider and OCdoriol try to buy enough time for Archer to put up his Reality Marble, OCdoriol taps deeply into the Dark Side of the Force to even stay alive since he’s already used up his ‘death’ that he can manage with his lightsaber. He overcharges his blaster and takes one more while burning his right hand. He still gets cut in half before Archer deploys Unlimited Blade Works.

The implication I was getting was that this was a super silly arc. It might serve you well to keep it that way. Be specific with the grammar! When you say "his death" it's ambiguous as to whether you're talking about Berserker's God Hand or OCdoriol's time in the universe.

SW: KotOR
Once more replaces Revan, though this time it’s hard to keep everything under wraps. He still has his artificial left eye, which is rather… weird all things considered.

Fun. It's funny that the left eye clings to him. If you want, you can make it sillier by making it an absolutely crap kind of mystic eye. "The Mystic Eye of Electrical Perception" which confers upon Doriol the absolutely useless ability to notice when electrons are flowing within objects.

He learns more in the way of the Force, this time focusing on his self-enhancement as well as instinct.

Ehm. Make this different. Instead of grinding training, he just bumbles about through the game adventures, while passively stealing Revan's Force affinity.

While it’s hard to remain as light-side as he knows he should, he’s mostly able to manage it

The Dark Side is a plot device, I don't think it's much more complex than that. Don't polarize it so much though. Make its effects incredibly subtle.

He creates a surprisingly powerful and advanced suit of armor that combines low-tier Sith Alchemy with what little magic he can manage as well as using the Force to improve upon it much as one does a lightsaber. The armor (and outfit in general that he wears) becomes associated with him due to how distinctive it is. Its heavy as hell with servo motors to ease its weight, but even then, without his Reinforced or Force enhanced strength it’s still a bit silly. The energy shields and various additional equipment are amazing additions, compensating for his (comparative) lack of skill with the lightsaber and the Force when pitted against the outright better combatants.

NONONONONONONO. This is an incredibly complex development with absolutely no precedent. If anything, just give him a jetpack. Jetpacks make everything better. (By the way without a basic suit of defensive armor, which is all I will tolerate, the jetpack will burn his legs off, so yeah.)

He’s developed a bit more charisma than before, but he’s still not good at this whole ‘leading people’ thing.

Nope, too busy dumping INT.

While the group sticks with him after learning his ‘secret’ (Oh noes! You’re really Revan?!), he has to really work to talk Bastilla down since she obviously doesn’t love him as she would have the canon Revan.

Rework. I always found this part strange since Bastilla should have been aware that he was Revan from the start.

OCdoriol is only able to beat Malak by locking lightsabers with him and then over-reinforcing his opponents lightsaber. This is despite having armor that essentially renders him immune to lightsabers and conventional attacks, despite this body’s strength in the Force, OCdoriol simply lacks the skill to use it to its full potential, especially against someone like Malak… in a location so saturated with the Darkside that OCdoriol has to struggle with Revan trying to take his body back.

Boring to read. I don't know how you can develop this to be more interesting. Er, perhaps he manages to surprise Malak by instinctively casting a Grease spell on the floor?

OCdoriol fly’s off after all of the things… and fades out mentally for no reason he can discern. His armor (and outfit) of whoopass stick with him.

Why does he go. Does Revan randomly win or is this just a function of an overarching plot? As for the armor, this is what I think about it:

Baldur’s Gate
He’s summoned… by the same master as before. This surprises him a bit but he’s not complaining! This time with his armor. He has no way of refueling its generator or recharging his lightsaber, but his master helps him figure out a way to use Reinforcement to recharge things.

That is not how Reinforcement works. Nope, instead he doesn't have the armor and the lightsaber uses the Third Imaginary Element as fuel.

LOLOLOL, Star Wars is the Nasuverse in which all Magic has been reduced to a science, except for the last mystery of the Force. (Do NOT take this as a legitimate idea, unless you actually think that it is.)

The cost of maintaining him has gone up, but his master is more powerful

This seems like useless information, especially if the two balance perfectly.

The group pushes on until they fight the final boss of the first game, the demigod of murder, OCdoriol absorbs his soul (and divine spark) on complete accident and this breaks his contract, making him dissipate.

Dear, dear me. No. I don't like this development at all. It's too substantial. If he were to absorb a stronger existence like a Demigod, then it's natural that OCdoriol would just be subsumed by that soul. It's better to suggest that the Divine Spark becomes a very powerful source of MP and spells until he exhausts it. It can leave a very very small permanent effect, like Magic Resistance or Monstrous Strength, but only at the very lowest level.

Familiar of Zero
He’s summoned by Tiffany, this both makes Saito happy but also scares the crap out of him since OCdoriol seemed so competent. It’s also been some time since he’s been here.

The name is Tiffania. Saito needs to be more fun, make it interesting when you write it. Alrighty.

He discovers that his summoning grants him essentially unlimited Prana.

Wat. NONONONONONONO. Lifdrasir is a prana factory that works for the Master, not the familiar. Not mentioning the risk, it's honestly more simple for him to just rely on his own MP.

While they generally get along fine, OCdoriol and his Master have serious conflict over the killing of enemies.

Okay, I guess this is natural. Where is the mental degradation? Is he experiencing Magic Alzheimer's? Or is it just "I'm slightly less me right now, but I don't care because it feels so wonderful."?

OCdoriol and Sheffield have a freaking field day every time they fight (which is several times because “fuck you I’m running” is something they’re willing to do), OCdoriol eventually beats her and takes all of her magic items, no he doesn’t know how to use them all or have her Class ability to use them but damnit, magic items!

Gratuitous. Make it interesting or I want it axed now.

He creates a magical, sith-alchemy enhanced vibroblade, it screams when it cuts and ‘moans’ when it’s swung because of the vibrations, he bases its magic off of Derflingers and makes a lesser anti-magic enchantment for it though overall the blade is more powerful.

That lightsaber is still sitting around you know. I don't want to think about this. It's so absurd.

Introducing OCdoriol to the rest of the group is awkward as he knows them, and Saito knows him, but they don’t know him. That said, Kirche falls for his ‘extreme manliness’, which is standard for her.

Details, or this will always be boring.

SUPER-SPEEEEEED (meets precognition and insta-kill weapon)

Eheh, but this is what he already is. A hax character with a development like this:

Unlike Saito, OCdoriol is very obviously a spellcaster, which weirds most of the mages out horrendously.

Ookay, seems natural.

He’s eventually given a noble’s cape for his work for the crown (through Tiffany), and he wears it over his ‘Jedi’ robes.

This is a stupid development that just looks cool. I refuse to allow it to be written in.

Between OCdoriol and Henrietta, they prevent a stupid war against the elves, but this requires a smaller war against the church. With his Class ability to essentially spam his most powerful magic, he’s utterly terrifying. He develops more magic and discovers that he can’t use the local magic.

2opforme.

Make this bit interesting, since he's finally able to interact, but not to this degree. This is excessive to the point of being boring.

OCdoriol dies in battle.

This is a thing that can happen at this point?

Fourth Swing

Spoiler for Hiden:

F/SN
Summoned as Caster (due to his tendency towards Item Creation and his most visible feats being magical)

Kay sure.

His master is a massive dickbag who tries to make OCdoriol use his magic for his own gain and ignore the war until the last.

Bonus points if he tries to make OCdoriol give him the lightsaber.

OCdoriol lops his arm off with his lightsaber before stealing all of his grimoires and heading off. He uses the grimoires to create boundary fields and magic circles to draw on power long enough for him to survive and get to the Temple where he sets up a more permanent solution.

The contract hasn't been broken yet has it? He should really just use his Master as a prana battery while he can. Caster class Servants have no Independent Action, so he ought to fade in a couple of hours without constant Prana support.

He finds the master of assassin before they summon, a very average Magus with only a few circuits but a massive determination to reach the Root… OCdoriol offers him a chance, give up his arm and command seals or die. Between the Force persuasion (which the Magus doesn’t recognize as magic and resist) and his status as a Servant he convinces him to give up his arm, which is a lot less painful for him with his cooperation.

There is no master of Assassin? Are you making this up, because you shouldn't.

OCdoriol finds Bazette after Kirei steals Lancer but before she dies, and uses some of his Healing potions to save her, then a combination of Sith Alchemy, the Force, and another healing potion to graft the arm from his previous master on her before she wakes up.

Erm, this is kind of strange.

By the way I'm just going to skim the rest of it.

She’s really leery about working with him, not that he can blame her, but with a proper Master as well as his knowledge (which he plays off as due to his Scrying of things) they’re a terrifying pair, especially once he gets Kuzuki into it as well. He can’t enhance people as powerfully as Medea could have, but with Bazette’s runes and his own combination of Force enhancement as well as Reinforcement-style Arcane magic, it’s still a decisive boost for all involved.

Why is she uncomfortable? He literally just saved her life.

OCdoriol grafts the Command Seals for Assassin into Kuzuki and helps him summon a True Assassin who will (begrudgingly) listen to OCdoriol since his master does. Bazett thinks this is a bad idea, but OCdoriol is cautious and talks with Assassin and the Man on the Mountain is willing to agree that something as horrible as the tainted grail does not deserve to exist and must be destroyed. He’s willing to work with a heathen like Caster to accomplish this and save the innocent.

Why, why, why. Instead just make him summon False Assassin, except twist! He summons himself! jk. Nah, just have him eat the Command Seals for Prana. I don't think he has the skill to hack the Grail.

OCdoriol places the magical equivalent of landmines along the entire stretch of the path to the temple, not breaking the flow of the leyline but rather tapping into it to vaporize any Servant silly enough to attack.

This means that Rider gets smashed. But seriously, the leyline doesn't provide enough power for an A+++ instant magic trap. Now, a more simple solution is that he just imbues the traps with a powerful telekinetic effect that knocks Servants into the deleterious Boundary Field.

Cue Berserker attacking the Temple, without False Assassin, they have trouble, but OCdoriol can rain magic down at them with impunity, the runes of paralysis, devastation, destruction, and more all slowing down the Magic-Resistance-less Berserker. Berserker simply can’t get too far from Illya or the spells raining down on him will kill her, and Illya isn’t immune to the traps that Berserker triggers and the two have to fall back. Berserker himself was never in any danger, but Illya was. Cue sighs of relief from both Bazette and OCdoriol.

Mhm, mhm. I like this bit.

OCdoriol takes tons of (electronic) notes on the runes that Bazette uses as well as everything she mentions about them.

Er, okay, but he won't be able to use them like she does. He ain't so speshul.

OCdoriol meets with Rin as she comes out of school, Blood Fort Andromeda has been set up. Rin automatically assumes that ‘Caster’ is the source of the effect, but he denies it as he tries to crack the magic put into it. Doubting she’ll listen to him now, he only points out that her sister has been suffering, thinking that she doesn’t care about her, ‘idly’ noting the horrors she has to withstand. Rin almost has Archer attack him for this (wounded by Saber or not), but thinks better of attacking a Servant at full strength with a partial strength one and heads off to investigate his claim.

Oh gosh I don't mind this development one bit.

Not two days later, the Mataou mansion is reduced to rubble.

It's MATOU.

OCdoriol feels like a complete badass considering that he’s been successfully manipulating the war so far aside from the whole ‘summoning Saber properly’ bit. He didn’t have time, but still, this has been working really well so far.

Well, let's see how badly it goes.

Shirou gets kidnapped by Illya and OCdoriol finds this out when he notices the prana surging in the Eizenbern lands. Excalibur had been used. Well fuck. He rushes over to find an exhausted Saber, wounded Rider, Shirou, Rin and Sakura all together. Damnit.

He’s not really able to convince them of his good intentions, but they don’t attack him. Still, he ensures they’re all healed up and safe before getting them home.

Gilgamesh takes exception to ‘Caster’s interference with things and attacks the temple. OCdoriol is rather obviously unable to hold him off, but teleports Bazett to the Emiya household with instructions to get Saber recharged (With a tantric ritual if necessary) and that Shirou holds Saber’s Sheath. Between himself, Assassin, and Kuzuki, they try to hold Gilgamesh (or even beat him if at all possible) as long as they can. Between the three of them, they don’t last long, but OCdoriol is actually able to remove one of Gilgamesh’s arms with a cheap trick and his lightsaber before getting exploded

Well that's pretty bad isn't it.

Baldur’s Gate
Summoned once more by the same master, there’s no plot to really resolve right now, she was more checking that he was okay… then smacks the crap out of him for worrying her like that. He’s given the Sword of Chaos, Saerevok’s powerful blade, which works for him just fine since as far as the Sword is concerned, OCdoriol is Saerevok.

Only a small portion of the group that helped take down the demigod Saerevok stays together, bound by bonds of mutual friendship! (and safety)

OCdoriol uses Alteration and Reinforcement creatively to create gemstones and gold from the particulates in the air or water, which makes the group surprisingly rich. Rich enough to massively expand their spellbooks, equipment, and get proper instruction on how to craft magical items as well as blacksmithing. He heavily improves his equipment by enchanting all the things with the help of his Master. They get OCdoriol an extensive ‘spellbook’ in his electronics

Then they get kidnapped

OCdoriol is experimented on heavily as he’s obviously stolen the divine essence and soul of someone else, and as such, of great interest to their captor, who cuts him open and studies him extensively, but deliberately avoids killing him

They eventually break out, and once they’re out of a life or death situation, OCdoriol has a breakdown. He was barely able to keep them from casting spells once they got out and thus getting locked up with their captor

After enough time to calm down, he’s insistent upon them going after the asswad before he does some serious harm (which he knows he will) and the most of the group agrees. The ones that don’t are either swayed by the simple thing called revenge or because they’re friends are all going along with it

They ally with the Thieves Guild to get to the prison where he’s held and gather up a sum of money to make it happen. They perform increasingly epic feats and quests to do so, gathering more allies as they go. OCdoriol creates several extradimensional holding bags to carry more equipment, particularly a belt for his blades

OCdoriol starts to have a romance with one of the party members that’s been with them for a long time

One of their companions is killed… and OCdoriol goes outright berserk on the enemies that did so, pulling deeply on the Dark Side of the Force and the stolen Divinity

They fight an ancient Dragon as part of one quest and OCdoriol nearly gets eaten, but fuck if they don’t take it down. However, the confrontation drains his Master to the point where she can’t sustain his existence, and he fades out.

Is he Mordenkainen now? I disagree, this is much too powerful for a person with slapdash superpowers. He can't become so effective, so you need to make him rely on planning and clever deduction more than hax magic. Also who in the world can actually succeed at casually kidnapping and dissecting him? That seems super contrived.

Rosario + Vampire
Archer wakes up on a bus, confused as hell. He gets run into by a girl on a bike who introduces herself, sucks his blood, and then basically runs off.

He finds out he’s at Youkai Academy, a school for monsters that teaches said monsters how to integrate with human society. Apparently, his mind has replaced the original main characters, which really worries Archer as he’s afraid he killed someone that definitely didn’t deserve it. He also has his eyes, which is very weird as the rest of him is Tsukune.

Archer remembers the story well enough to know that if he doesn’t act, several girls are going to be molested at least, likely raped, others killed. He can’t, just… can’t let that happen. It goes against everything he is. He quickly becomes friends with Moka, the vampire that hit him, and searches for another of the girls that would be part of the harem to become friends with her and try and keep her from falling for the guy that would molest her. He also tries to find the young witch before she gets herself killed.

He’s successful, though he gets embroiled in some minor combat and wounded without his normal equipment or the conditioning he’d been working on. Even with functioning magic and the Force, without his equipment or conditioning he’s not as much of a match for superhuman monsters as he’d like.

He gets along with the girls rather well, though there’s no real romantic interest on his side or even most of the girls. The young witch and the succubus are exceptions, though for varying reasons. While he’s flattered and finds the succubus attractive, it’s really awkward for him considering he’s nearly a decade older than them mentally.

And then he gets his neck broke by a monster that gets a lucky shot in and as he fades mentally, Archer curses internally that it had happened. He’d gotten cocky.

What about, OCdoriol just gets so confused by what seems to be a perfectly normal situation that he doubletakes, until he hears the word "vampire." Then, realizing that he's in an urban fantasy setting, he goes to town with the grandstanding?

Dragon Age Origins
‘Summoned’ by the Lyrium Well into the deep roads, he has to fight his way out and has to be turned into a Gray Warden to save his life. He ensconces Tsukune deep in his soul to keep him safe from the taint

With his magic on the fritz, he has difficulty in combat. He learns how to be a Templar from one of his companions to counter the magic of others while developing a style of combat to fight beings stronger, faster, and more skilled than he is as he's not all that strong without his magical enhancements.

They complete the Mages Guild (he absorbs the souls of several of the Abominations, which messes with his head), the Gray Warden Keep, and start to get things done in Dennerim… before OCdoriol is assassinated for being the most ‘obvious’ leader of the Gray Wardens and having let his guard down.

Too much pretentious development, but I know nothing of this setting.

This is the part when I give up. Things are too complicated to be explained by the way you simply presented them.

Fifth Swing

Spoiler for Hiden:

F/SN
Summoned as Berserker in place of Herakles

Summoned well before the War and since he’s not such a massive drain on Illya’s reserves, he’s able to keep his sanity. He almost begs for a holy item to suppress his taint (the Bhaalspawn and Darkspawn taints… as well as something else he can’t identify), which he gets.

That said, he’s really worried, without his sanity, he’s nowhere near able to fight a Servant, he’s positive of that

Over the long time he’d been summoned he talks to Illya about her life and subtly encourages her to not kill Shirou

That said, once he gets dragged into battle with Saber, Illya activates Mad Enhancement… and he’s gone.

He retains a significant portion of his skill, but his power jumps massively more so than any other Berserker. His strength jumps to B rank due to the vampiric blood, he is able to regenerate and hold himself together even near death using the Dark Side of the Force and even drains strength from his foes, but still retains his full unsealed Instinct skill as it’s part of the Force as well as his access to his lightsaber

Show snippets of his vision through the madness as Illya commands him around and that he’s actually… really terrifying as a Berserker. He drains the strength from his foes just by being near them, drinks blood, regenerates, has an insta-kill weapon in his lightsaber and a screaming anti-magic sword of his own design, all while retaining his full deadly Instinct and a significant amount of his skill. Sure, his stats are comparatively low (C to B), the combination of these other effects makes him scary.

Tsukune, his tag-along, tells him what happened after the fact



Baldur’s Gate
Summoned once more and knowing he can’t use his magics in Dragon Age, he works on his swordsmanship. While he does develop more magical skills and power, his primary focus is on learning as many different forms of weapon as he can. Focusing primarily on Sword and Shield as well as Dual Weapon as he can have so many damn magical weapons now that it helps more that way. He never approaches the skill level of the dedicated swordsmen and archers of the group, but he can wield most western style weapons with solid proficiency. He develops a 'style' of combat inspired by CG EMIYA and having seen him in action, though far more generalized than the Sword-Archer's.

The party takes on several more quests before working with the Thieves Guild again

The group takes on a guild of vampires, and OCdoriol gets bitten, but they take the enemy down

The group gets to the prison where their original captor is held… only to get captured. OCdoriol is experimented on some more before the villain steals his Master (and her sister’s) souls, leaving OCdoriol a fragmented mess. Tsukune within him wraps the pieces of OCdoriol’s soul around him at OCdoriol’s urging to protect him from the Kaleidoscope

With his master so damaged and leaking power all over the place, her own taint sympathizing with OCdoriols own… he deliberately severs their connection and fades from existence to keep himself from making her worse



Rosario + Vampire
OCdoriol wakes up… in a hospital bed…?

… wait, what?

His waking and looking around wakes the girls that were nearby to keep watch over him. They’re all happy he’s alright, which flatters him, but he’s confused. He was certain he was dead and admits as such to them, though he doesn’t say why he’s sure… that he’s died before and he knows the feeling.

It turns out that Moka had given him an injection of her blood which had literally saved him from the brink of death.

Well what the fuck.

He’s not complaining mind you, but still, very confused.

Still, he returns to school with the others. More battles ensue, two more getting (but not really requiring) injections of vampire blood to keep him going. He creates a sword for himself so he has something at least.
At one point, one of the girls that he had become friends with specifically to try and keep her from falling for a teacher… falls for that teacher. He nearly panics and rushes off upon finding this out… and arrives in time to find the teacher attempting to molest her as he feared.

To say that he is furious would be an understatement.

Through a combination of burgeoning vampiric strength, the power of a demigod, and the Dark Side of the Force he quite literally rips the kraken limb from limb. There’s no strategy, no coherence, just snarls and rage at the one who dared hurt one of his own. He crushes the teacher’s torso at the last, ignoring his screams as he ends its life… and then turns to Mizore, the threatened girl and checks if she’s alright.

In his mind, there’s no switch, it’s natural. From nearly mindless fury to concern and soft words in an instant and it doesn’t even register.

But Tsukune realizes. And while he’s quiet at the time, he brings it up later, noting that OCdoriol is becoming more and more like a monster by being around them. This scares him badly and he makes an effort to avoid that happening.

This also gets him a stalker in the girl he saved. Very awkward.
He occasionally has trouble remembering things, but Tsukune within him helps, though the younger human starts to worry at how spacey OCdoriol can be at times.

He comes into very direct conflict with the Disciplinary squad, which is one of the most powerful groups on campus, which brings OCdoriol into direct conflict with a Four Tailed Kitsune. That fight does not go well for Archer, he injures his opponent, but then gets completely roasted.



Dragon Age Origins
He’s summoned once again and has to start all over

This time he gets through the whole game, gaining Fade magic from absorbed souls and figuring out why his other magics weren’t working (and for the most part, still don’t work), but still, he focuses on his swordplay. He drinks dragon blood and gains the aspect of a dragon in order to increase his power, allowing him to project an aura of pain and fear.

He’s not a leader this time around, partially because he struggles to keep himself coherent. Flashes of memories not his own superimpose themselves on his world occasionally, and he sometimes speaks in languages not his own.

He dissipates when he kills the Archdemon

And that's that.

EDIT: The forum ate my formatting so I ran the text through a HTML interpreter. This is how it turned out.

I was wrong about the Force. I just remembered that it was specifically hax enough to provide both power and skill to a well tuned individual.

Also haha, some of this criticism is stupidly exaggerated, or just my silly opinion. Please ignore those, and focus on the more logical points.