Darcy Hugh
Darcy smiled smugly at the girl before bursting into laughter. Quite the feisty one… and yet she still didn’t get it.
“HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW!! I see you both don’t understand a thing. Very well, let me enlighten you!!”
A blazing starfire lit in his eyes, manly passion that none could subdue. He posed dramatically and roared in defiance to the girl’s accusations with a blazing fire.
“YES, I AM A PERVERT!! WHEREVER THERE ARE PANTIES I WILL APPEAR!! BUT BEFORE THAT, I AM A MAN OF GOD!! AND AS A MAN, I CANNOT TOLERATE THAT A CREATURE SO VILE AND HEATHEN WOULD ENDANGER A DARLING, NOR CAN I IGNORE A PLEA FOR HELP!! BE IT BIG GIRLS, LITTLE GIRLS, SISTERS, NIECES, COUSINS, WIVES, WIDOWS, NUNS OR CELIBATES… I WILL SHIELD THEM WITH MY OWN BODY IF I MUST!!!! IT IS MY DUTY, NAY, MY CALLING TO PROTECT ALL CUTE GIRLS IN THIS CITY NO MATTER WHAT!! I SIMPLY CANNOT TOLERATE SUCH AN UNGODLY THING, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!”
Well, he didn't lie.
Theodore
“Actually yes. I knew there was something missing!” He exclaimed without a shred of expression before intercepting the anvil with the bowl of ramen. It seemed to fit perfectly, because a tiny splash later, the ramen was filled with tiny anvil broth flavored anvils made from the big anvil.
Then, Theodore proceeded to pull out a straw from his ear and stick it in his nose before snorting the ramen like it was cocaine. The noodles, meat, vegetables, broth and anvils seemed to be sucked in indiscriminately, and that despite them largely oversizing the tiny straw!
“Anvils are so amazing. Did you know the Greek goddess Hera caused a storm to impede Heracles after his siege on Troy? Why is this relevant? Well, they say her husband Zeus was so furious, he hung her from Olympus by attaching an anvil to both her feet! How interesting.” He said nonchalantly while enjoying his meal. Being able to share one with someone was….a pleasant experience.
Kinda.