RiderRider turned to walk down the stairs, a bright smile on her face as she thought of what had just happened. Knowing that she would not be required for some time, and not being in need of sleep herself, Rider decided to settle down with a good book and enjoy the night.
Hmm, I wonder what I should read..., she thought.
Deciding that she should look around for a suitable book, Rider entered Sakura's study, figuring it was as good a place as any to start. She looked at the bookshelf, wondering if there would be anything good. At first, nothing caught her eye, and she was about to leave when she noticed a notebook on the bottom shelf. Normally, it wouldn't have drawn her attention, but Rider could tell that it was heavily warded. Were it not for her exceptional magic resistance, she could not have seen it at all.
I wonder what it is, Rider thought.
Rider was conflicted. What it was intrigued her, but whoever had put it there had obviously gone to significant lengths to hide it from sight. If it was Sakura's, then did she really have the right to intrude into something so personal? On the other hand, it could contain information that could help deal with Sakura's insanity. Or, it might be something Faust had left behind, something that Sakura had never seen.
I have to look, it might be important, Rider decided.
With that thought, she picked up the book and opened it to the first page.
I'm cold. Why am I here. Where is here, this shithole is not the Matou Manor I know. Where's Shirou. This isn't a funny joke, I'm going to murder him when I find him, it said.
Oh, this must be Sakura's diary..., Rider thought as she saw the words, her good mood deflating somewhat.
Obviously, she had written this just after her arrival here. Rider hesitated for a moment. This was obviously private and, further, it was likely to be extremely sad. At the same time, though, it could give her a useful insight into Sakura's mindset, and why she was so insane.
I have to read this, Rider thought, steeling herself as she turned the next page.
WhywhereamI. I feel like I'm in a bad dream. Where's Shirou. Where's Rider. My command seal didn't work. Rider help. Save me. I need you. Where are you..., it said, the remainder of the page filled with illegible black markings.
Rider felt numb. She tried to tell herself it was all over, she tried to tell herself that Sakura was happy now, she tried to tell herself that she was here for her now. But nothing helped the hollowness Rider felt on reading Sakura's desperate pleas. She imagined Sakura begging for her to be there, begging to be saved. She knew it was not her fault, nor that of her alternate self but, nevertheless, she couldn't help but feel guilty for failing to answer when Sakura had needed her the most.
Rider put the book down for a moment. She didn't feel like reading any more. Her good mood had been utterly ruined by the words, and now she felt utterly numb and depressed. Yet, despite her reluctance, she knew she had to continue. She had to know more about Sakura's mindset. So, reluctantly, she picked up the book and continued to read, her sadness growing all the time.
It's not a dream. I put my hand on the hot stove, I didn't wake up. It just melted the skin and hurt alot. I feel better now but 
. What happened and why did it happen to ME.
The words were hard enough for Rider to stomach, but the small, sad Sakura face drawn in the middle of the page was utterly heartbreaking. It reminded her of how adorable and sweet Sakura was, and brought the unrelenting sadness she must have felt to life. Tears came to Rider's eyes as she imagined how Sakura must have felt. How utterly alone she was, how desperate she was for it to all be a dream. Knowing that she had to continue, Rider wiped her eyes, took a few deep breaths to calm herself, and began to read once more, sobbing intermittently as the book continued to only get worse.
Helpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpme..., another page began, the pleading continuing for several lines.
I'm all alone. Alone in this run down cold ramshackle building. There's nobody here. Except me. And the vampire I killed, but they're gone now. I don't want to be alone anymore. I want Shirou. I want my life back.Rider's tears began to flow once more, her sadness becoming overwhelming as she imagined how much Sakura must have been suffering, how desperate she must have been. Nevertheless, she continued reading, the words giving her a valuable insight into why Sakura was like she was, and why she was so possessive of those she had lost.
Maybe I didn't deserve happiness in the first place. Maybe this is my just punishment for what I did when I was the shadow. For the blood on my hands. Regardless, I can't give up. I have to keep searching. I need to get home. I want to talk to my sister, another page said.
By now, Rider felt utterly awful. She could barely hold herself back from crying, having to stop after each page to wipe away the tears. She felt so, so sorry for the poor girl. Not that Rider needed any incentive to feel sympathy for her beloved master, of course, but this book took her well beyond even her usual feelings. Steeling herself once more, Rider continued to read until, finally, she reached the final page, now sobbing freely and almost constantly.
I found someone, the final page began.
Another Servant. A caster. We made a contract. I'm not alone anymore. He's not Rider or Shirou, but I'm I'm not alone.Feeling utterly numb, Rider put the book down on the table beside her and finally, allowed herself to let go. She cried uncontrollably for several minutes, imagining how awful it must have been for her poor master to be stuck in this situation. Finally, she began to calm down, and started to comfort herself. Yes, it had been horrible for Sakura, but she was here now. Shirou was here too, and Rin. Sakura and Shirou were going to get married and they were going to live happily ever after, either in this world or in their own. And, as long as she lived, Rider would make sure that nothing, absolutely
nothing would stand in the way of Sakura's well-deserved happiness.
As she calmed down somewhat and began to cheer herself up slightly, Rider took stock of what she had learned. Reading this book had given Rider a new perspective on Sakura's obvious insanity. On a purely intellectual level, Rider had understood why from the beginning. After all, the girl had finally gained happiness, only to have it snatched from her in the cruellest of fashions. But, now, after reading this book, she finally,
truly understood. She knew why Faust had meant so much to Sakura, she knew why Sakura was so possessive of her, of Shirou and of Rin.
And, she fully sympathised with Sakura's feelings towards her and the rest of her family. Not that she would actively encourage Sakura's possessiveness, of course. It was, in the long run, only going to be counter-productive, but nor would she condemn Sakura for it or do anything to make her believe she had been betrayed. She would never abandon the poor girl or leave her to suffer any further.
Rider remained sitting in the chair for some time, still feeling numb from what she had read. Looking at the clock, she could see that it was still nowhere near time for Sakura or Shirou to awaken. Realising that she had more time to kill, and wanting to bring her spirits back up, she looked through the bookshelf and picked up the happiest-looking book she could find. Then, sitting back down in the chair, she opened it and began to read.
