Author Topic: of swords and sorcery  (Read 7696 times)

lantzblades

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Re: of swords and sorcery
« Reply #15 on: September 24, 2013, 06:13:14 AM »
I'm sorry but frankly I was slandered from the get go Kaiza, I was given no opportunity to explain anything before serious fucking labels were thrown at me, I offered to pm her so as to explain without dropping spoilers in this thread and was attacked again.

I didn't deserve this, her reasoning doesn't bloody matter. I have been attacked for the last few days because she has stress in the RL. I've kept pretty fucking calm but this is fucking bullshit. I do not deserve to take crap over fan fiction of all things.

While you're asking for understanding  understand this. It doesn't matter what her reason is. And frankly I'm fucking tired of trying to get better when I get nothing but shit on.

thank you Alice for ruining any drive BL didn't already take away.

Alice

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Re: of swords and sorcery
« Reply #16 on: September 24, 2013, 06:34:20 AM »
I love how you labeled me describing what trauma feels like based off of my own experience as an "attack." I didn't "slander" you either. Honestly, I've had enough of this.

I'm honestly tempted to give you a warning, but I'll refrain since I will at least admit that I got incredibly angry and I wasn't thinking entirely straight, with said IRL stress playing a large role in the fact that I lose my temper far more easily as of the past week or so. However, even if I was angry and not thinking straight, and thus I could have worded things far better, I was not unreasonable in my criticisms. It also doesn't give you the right to throw guilt trips at people, nor to dismiss my argument entirely.

Also, I didn't "attack you" for the past few days, and the one time I did I apologized for. Honestly, I should give you a warning for that lovely little accusation within itself, but I'll let it slide.

You need to actually listen to criticism lantz. People gave you perfectly calm and reasoned constructive criticism on Beast's Lair for your prologue, and you still dismissed it. There was a lot of trolling on this most recent chapter, with Knick being the only source of constructive criticism, true, but there was constructive criticism there nonetheless.

I would suggest actually listening to constructive criticism, even angry constructive criticism, instead of always dismissing it as "attacks." There's a reason people give it, and it's to help you, not to hurt you (even if the giver was as furious as I happened to be).
« Last Edit: September 24, 2013, 06:37:00 AM by Alice »

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lantzblades

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Re: of swords and sorcery
« Reply #17 on: September 24, 2013, 07:50:13 AM »
I was told by all four of bl's admins to put people on ignore. I did so and as it happens said people on that list are the ones in that thread giving criticism. I'll take criticism when people actually listen to my replies and help me work out a better way to do things. To date unless I ask for feedback all I get are long winded rants and undue grief.

even if I sifted through the anger in your posts and took whatever meaning was left it doesn't matter. I had hoped here I would not be a target for hatred or ridicule but I see that is not the case as of now.

Such is as statement of the facts as I see them. I have reasons for why I wrote the characters the way I did, back in my day you read a story to the end before you passed judgment on it. Since that's not the way it works anymore apparently I think it would be best if I stopped writing altogether.

I cannot stand people who don't have the patience to wait for the explanations to unfold. Half the fun of a story is not knowing.

and frankly yes raging at me in your first post was an attack, even if you think otherwise.

Alice

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Re: of swords and sorcery
« Reply #18 on: September 24, 2013, 02:35:54 PM »
I'm sorry I yelled and got upset. Accusing you of being a misogynist was not my intent at all, and I should have chosen my words to illustrate my point far more carefully.

There is value in my words if you look past the rage, however. Even though I shouldn't've yelled and I let my anger get the better of me, I did mean well with what I said. What KAIZA added is good stuff too. He said the basic point of what I was trying to say with far less rage and with far more tact, so kudos to him for that. :)

In terms of the warning threat, I got angry because I was describing from my own experience when I was giving you that description of the PTSD stuff. I wrongly assumed you got that, and thus I got hurt and I lashed out as a result.

It's not normal for me to rage like this, and even rarer for me to do so publicly. Currently in real life I'm dealing with something that could change my life either for the better or for the far worse depending on how it pans out, and it's made me incredibly stressed. To be quite frank, I've never been this scared in my entire life about anything. So I'm far quicker to anger than normal, and also far more quick to express it.

I should have stepped back and calmed down instead of posting like I did. Even if I do believe there's merit to what I said (ignoring the rage portions), I do apologize for letting my stress and anger get the better of me. I'd do my best not to rage like this again.

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lantzblades

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Re: of swords and sorcery
« Reply #19 on: September 24, 2013, 07:35:13 PM »
Firstly while suffers from PTSD have common symptoms it manifests itself in a large number of ways, one of which is a sort of denial which in almost all cases leads to a break down, in war time suffers this often lead to suicide. Now one could say I did a poor job of demonstrating this but you fail to see that he's dealing with a ton more issues like amnesia, depression, cerebral failure and recovering from a loss of sanity  which like all berserker he does not remember.

as for the rape. As I repeatedly tried to explain the point is not the act of rape but of a cruel, personalized fuck you tailored to each character. Sakura suffered from Zoukens abuse so that's  they kill her. Saber is made to kill Shirou with her own hands, Rider is forced to become the gorgon and turned to stone.

let me be clear Alice these are not bad guys. I would have had genocide of the town be the most bad guys do. These are monsters.

lantzblades

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Re: of swords and sorcery
« Reply #20 on: October 16, 2013, 04:16:59 AM »
Chapter two: Metal dance

I snap awake. My body is healed, guess I can't die from a hole in the chest.

That's good to know.

I stand up, the burning from earlier is gone. The moon is still out so it's certainly the same night. I don't know how far I was sent back, but if Lancer is any indication then it's before I was born.

Am I in the middle of the grail war?

Hopefully not. But even if I am it doesn't matter, there wasn't a way back to begin with.

Despite Archer's arm, I manage to get off to a running start and head towards my place.

The burning starts again, but this time it's manageable. I can think straight and I realize that, for whatever reason, I can use Archer's reality marble.

I know Merlin explained that magic is made of perceptions and interchangeable, but this is far fetched even for his rambling.

I feel like crap, inside and out. But, Merlin always told me "you are the strongest of us, no hero can hope to stand against your power", so even if my body collapses I have to keep fighting. I wanted to be a hero, but I guess I'll settle for avenger instead.

I stop suddenly. Archer was one thing, but would they even believe me? The thought rings in my head as I catch a glimpse of the steps to Ryudou temple. I remember my mother telling me once about making rash choices, and the only time my father was ever completely right.

She said, "Alex, you cannot force a skill to become better. And, nor can you simply ignore the other methods given to you. No matter how many times you are right you will eventually be wrong. Your father showed me that during the war. I thought because of my abilities I would be able to defeat any opponents who stood in my way. Such was not the case with the swordsman Kojiro."

That's when I realized the first crack in the armoured form of the hero King Arthur. For all the fading the legends did in my mind, my mother shone all the brighter.

A rasp and struggled breathing snaps me from my memories as a howl of pain erupts at the top of the stairs forcing my gaze to follow.

I see the swordsman my mother praised struggling against his own body until, suddenly, he explodes, leaving a bloody mess and a black clad person in his wake.

At first I fail to move, my mouth hanging open. I don't even begin to understand what just happened until the flaming boomerangs that are Archer's memories assault me.

It's a deep crimson haze, then shadowy flashes. No wait, not shadowy, those are shadows... like Tsukasa's. I know she got them from her-

Oh, fuck no! Aunty is not going dark on my watch!

This guy is Hash, Hassass, Hassan something or other. He's the factory-pressed result of summoning Assassin class servants, and basically a cowardly punk who wants fame or such nonsense.

I rush him. I can reinforce myself and I'm not a regular human to begin with so I should be able to take him, I hope.

He see me and jumps backward. Assassins are a weak class, normally they can't beat any of the other servant in a one-on-one fight.

My muscles burst into flames as Archer's swords appear in my hands. I'll beat this guy and stop whatever he's planning.

I toss Bakuya and he leaps to the top of the gate. He's quick, and I think the skull mask is laughing at me.

I toss again, replicating as I throw, to try and box him in with the swirling blades. It's no use. He deflects each copy by tossing small daggers and I only succeed in cutting down a tree before his small blades begin to strike my exposed skin, the last one slicing my right eye, barely avoiding a directly fatal blow to my brain.

As I go to close the distance between he and I, I realize that he has hit me far more times then I registered. The exposed areas were a feint, I couldn't even see his attacks.

Everytime Assassin threw a dagger he stabbed me in a vital spot. My kidneys, my arms and both legs are completely wrecked and, as I collapse, my right knee shatters.

I would scream, but blood forces its way past my pain and ejects on to the temple walkway.

Before I lose consciousness I hear a scream pierce the night, and the sound of footsteps.

Imma need more quarters if I keep this up....



Arch-Magos Winter

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Re: of swords and sorcery
« Reply #21 on: October 16, 2013, 05:34:55 AM »
My advice -

Highlight entire story, hit backspace
Highlight your notes and future plot, hit backspace
Highlight your characters descriptions and existence and hit back space.


Start again and try not to be horrible. Again.

Arch-Magos Winter

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Re: of swords and sorcery
« Reply #22 on: October 16, 2013, 05:37:02 AM »
let me be clear Alice these are not bad guys. I would have had genocide of the town be the most bad guys do. These are monsters.
>Monsters are not bad guys

...Lantz? Serious question at this point - do you even ever pay attention to what the hell you type? Because I swear to god your IQ drops a point per word you type.


Also, for that matter, Assassin is NOT a chump. Assassin is a legit threat, one of the 19 Men of the Mountain that made ASSASSIN A FUCKING WORD.
« Last Edit: October 16, 2013, 05:42:20 AM by Arch-Magos Winter »

Alice

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Re: of swords and sorcery
« Reply #23 on: October 16, 2013, 05:46:46 AM »
Giving him criticism is fine, but you're being too angry about it. I can understand all too well how frustrating it is (see my own blowup, which was going too far in some places, even if I did have some valid points), but if you're going to give him constructive criticism, please do so without the insults. You're only validating the blanket he tends to throw over most all of the criticism he receives, constructive or no. If you want to prove him wrong, don't prove him right.




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lantzblades

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Re: of swords and sorcery
« Reply #24 on: October 16, 2013, 05:48:12 AM »
You are not welcome in this thread Arch, you violated the rules on bl, you're not given a chance here

Alice

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Re: of swords and sorcery
« Reply #25 on: October 16, 2013, 05:53:03 AM »
While I'll definitely speak up if he keeps including the insults, even hand out punishment if I have to, but he has the right to post in here so long as he tries to control his anger about how he posts.

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lantzblades

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Re: of swords and sorcery
« Reply #26 on: October 16, 2013, 05:55:59 AM »
He is only posting here to be a shit disturber.  Same as in the vn thread. He's out to get me Alice.

Alice

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Re: of swords and sorcery
« Reply #27 on: October 16, 2013, 06:02:36 AM »
I've seen the BL thread. He did have some legit things to say occasionally between the angry posts and insults. If he keeps peppering in insults, or goes too far, then I'll do my job as admin and punish him. But if he says what he wants to say without sticking little insults in between, then there's no reason to stop him. Trust me to do my job.

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Arch-Magos Winter

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Re: of swords and sorcery
« Reply #28 on: October 16, 2013, 06:02:53 AM »
Giving him criticism is fine, but you're being too angry about it. I can understand all too well how frustrating it is (see my own blowup, which was going too far in some places, even if I did have some valid points), but if you're going to give him constructive criticism, please do so without the insults. You're only validating the blanket he tends to throw over most all of the criticism he receives, constructive or no. If you want to prove him wrong, don't prove him right.
If I may, an absurd amount of that criticism is justified by his own actions.

Anyway, seriously, I cannot think of a way to salvage this story at this point. The main character is far, far, too SOD breaking to be believable and reeks of bad Sue. He either needs to be thrown out and a new character concept brought in and then the story worked around a far far less SOD breaking MC, or the character needs to be rewritten from the ground up. I can't offer you much advice on that sadly.

The grammar is spotty and the whole thing flows jerkily, I'd advise getting a better beta. No offense to you whoever you are, I'm sure you're trying your best but it just isn't enough. The whole thing fluctuates between slapstick and grimdark at the drop of a hat, and the torture scenes are... lets just face it they're more hilarious than actually disturbing or interesting or even believable. Their being skipped over makes the whole thing worse, the protagonist seems very REACTIVE, not PROACTIVE. The narration is also weird and jerky, with lines coming straight out of left field and making no sense; this may be a formatting thing but really all I can recommend on this one is practice. A lot. You'll hopefully get a hang of it eventually.

Speaking of out of left field things, the prologue is entirely superfluious and serves no purpose aside from padding the story length out from what I can tell.


Basically, this thing needs a LOT of TLC, dump trucks full of it.

Arch-Magos Winter

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Re: of swords and sorcery
« Reply #29 on: October 16, 2013, 06:04:34 AM »
He is only posting here to be a shit disturber.  Same as in the vn thread. He's out to get me Alice.
Nah, Third Fang is the one I'm planning to murder in his sleep.

Also, the term you're looking for is 'troll' lantz. Though at the moment, I've tried to ditch my 4channer habits to review this without going full ragetastic.


PPS- If it's typed or printed, it's libel, not slander. It also has to be demonstratively false and done with malicious intent. The more you know lantz...
« Last Edit: October 16, 2013, 06:07:49 AM by Arch-Magos Winter »