Visual Novel Project

[Alice]

Yeah, I'm probably worrying to much about it again. To be honest, I do a better job actually writing the characters than giving descriptions for them. The descriptions part I've never been quite so great at. ^^"

[Cherry Lover]

Well, that's definitely much better than the opposite problem

[The Man With All The Cute Boats]

About the mage, my biggest gripe is that reading about him felt like I was reading "The protag, except not as gud in this & this,"+exposition wizard.

And exposition wizard is always bad and makes me cry. Exposition should not be one person only, the audience will learn to skip a few pages when he shows up(Totally guilty of this, Bob is the only exception).

It would probably help if you knew that a rune-caster is more like a druid than a "gandalf-mage". Hell, old anglo-saxon rune users call themselves Drymann, which literally translates into "druid". Old norse Gothi were more like priests and spiritual leaders than anything, too, despite having full knowledge of the runes.

The point being that a Drymann or Gothi would believe in something bigger than themselves. While they use "magic"(It's iffy), they'd be more likely to fulfill a priest's archetype than the wizard archetype or the old guy from buffy with all the books archetype.

I think his name was Nigel?

Anyway, the only 100% magic thing runes (as in, the letters themselves) were ever 100% related to anyway (Divination is still iffy if you ask a historian, and he'll also tell you what was written on amulets and charms was the magic instead of the letters themselves) was raising the dead, something Odin used them for, which is why I thought a rune-user would fit seeing the necromancer protag grill.

[Alice]

Ahhhh, gotcha. So it seems part of it was me being terrible with descriptions like normal, the other half not quite getting the concept you were after. ^^"

The mage wouldn't be exposition guy. He'd probably nerd out on some things (which would likely be blanked out for the most part), but probably most exposition would come from the protag herself if there's any direct exposition (via internal monologue. Expect snark.). Again, most of it's my bad with the description being awful. Basically, what I meant to go for there is that he's more of a School Prefect to her "I don't really give a shit." He's the guy who actually studies who's the type to shoot his hand up *way* too fast in class, she's the one that's smart but too bored with her classes to pay attention other than to the stuff she deems important.

So what I'm going to do is this (not right away, but soon enough). First is to separate the Mage and the Runemaster into two different characters, the latter hopefully *much* closer to what you were aiming for, and of course being an entirely different person. Second is to give Mage a non-crappy description (or at least less crappy) and make it more obvious that he's not meant to be Stereotypical Wizard so much as Male!Hermoine Granger. And maybe take some of the stereotypical edge off him while I'm at it. Have him have a not-so-secret passion for sports or something.

...Again, as I said, I suck at describing this stuff, I'm better at actually writing it, and sometimes it's easier for me to hammer out finer details when writing the thing rather than just via the base. ^^" In other words, again, my bad.

[The Man With All The Cute Boats]

by the way, chuuni/midlife crisis vampire is great

remember to keep the ham hammed up to ham central

[Alice]

Thank you~ And he shall have all the ham~ Maybe even have him chew the scenery a bit from time to time.

Anyway, here's a (very rough) concept for the runemaster. I'll try editing Mage's profile in a bit.

Runemaster: A young man carrying a long, sacred, and secret tradition over the centuries. Runemaster that he is, while he has skill in the magical arts due to some of said runes, he is really more of a jack of all trades in this regard. He can heal, he can do your offensive magic, he can do your divinations, and your Detect Evil spells, maybe some crushing of the undead, you name it. And boy would you not know it from looking at this guy. Or hearing him.

No, our Runemaster is very true to his Viking lineage, in that he is quite fond of drink, his pantheon, and the joy that is smacking another guy in the face. Boisterous, full of voice, and rather muscular, he can hold his own in a brawl every bit as well as he can set things on fire using his runes. Talk shit about the Norse pantheon btw, and expect to lose a few teeth.

There's one thing he can't really do though, and that's raise the dead. But he can maybe do that too. His feelings are conflicted, but he wants to see if he can aspire to what Odin himself could do, and our Protagonist holds her own interests, considering that this is something she cannot truly do herself. Her cases make a great venue for him to get fights in anyway, so he's cool with tagging along.

Gets along surprisingly well with the Vampire. He and the Werewolf aren't so fond of each other though, mostly due to the latter being too cloak and dagger for his taste at times. He likes the mage alright, though the Mage often gets exhausted or exasperated by him. The Protagonist herself is just friends with him, but who knows? Perhaps she can find his hidden, more complex side and find out that there's more to him than meets the eye?

EDIT: Edited the Mage's profile a tiny bit on the last page, and that of his sister. Hopefully that's a bit better.

[The Man With All The Cute Boats]

So you're going Gothi(norse) rather than Drymann(anglo-saxon)?

That's cool. Probably can't help as much with him though, seeing as I know more about the anglo-saxon sorcerer/runes than the old norse customs and runes (close, but different all the same).

Don't get me wrong, I still know some and more than most, but less.

One thing to note however is that a gothi was a leader as well as a spiritual honkadonk. Translate that into modern times and the feel this is setting up to, and you have the guy who knows everyone, that everyone owes or owns a favor to. The street man. Kinda sounds a little like it from the drinking and party stuff, but just wanted to emphasize.

Perhaps she can find his hidden, more complex side and find out that there's more to him than meets the eye?

You mentioned divination. In routes other than his, make him find her for the teamup, and keep up the viking hooha level of depth. In his route, make us find out that he sought her, because divination divining something or other bad and he was keeping an eye on her or something because she might have accidentally ragnarok or something like that, I dunno.

basically, secret side should have to do with divination, because DIVINATION IS FUCKIN RAD

As long as it's cryptic and tells the diviner very little, that is. Seeing a map of the future is boring and sucks.

Anyway DIVINATION

[Elf]

He should totally look like Chris Hemmingsworth's Thor because sweet god is that man perfection.

[Alice]

@Nachos: Looks like, though more because I was an idiot and didn't think about that rather than anything. ^^" ...We can definitely roll with this though.

And ooohh, I like that idea. The boisterous bruiser type isn't usually the first one you think of to be contacts guy. I can definitely work with this~

As for the divination thing, yeah, I can roll with that. And you have my guarantee that his divination will be cryptic. Because the gods are dicks.

@Elf: Yeeeeeeeeesssssssss. I kinda had Thor pop into my head when making up the guy anyway, so I'm down with that.

...You can tell I'm writing this half awake, wheeeeeee.

[The Man With All The Cute Boats]

Alright, we have our gorillion love interest characters, we need to figure out some more stuff.

Character jobs (GOTTA EAT):
MC: Odd jobs: No official job or title, but maintains a reputation in the supernatural part of society as the person to go to with "stuff". Most of her income is from the police though.
Vampire: HE OWNS THE CITY FROM THE DARKNESS. Basically magical landlord the mayors pay rent to to keep the place safe and clear of supernatural trouble. He handles the building's plumbing, you could say.
Werewolf: Mechanic? Plumber? I dunno lel, something that screams normal, for added sheep-in-wolf's-clothing effect
Mage: Still in university in (?), or college (if 19)
Mage's sister: something I dunno, I guess uni or last year of college (If 19)
Viking McGothisson: FUKKEN SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW, Maybe he owns a creepy magic shop or something

NON-LOVE INTEREST CHARACTERS(Friends, antagonists, minor characters to remind the reader that the world is bigger than the small character cast):
The cop(s) who doesn't believe
The contacts
The schoolmates
The person who thinks they can magic but actually can't and keeps getting in trouble for it
The person whose building the vampire lives in

Fuckin' NAMES(I hate this one):
Dave McDaversson
David
Davy
Dav
Daver
John Smith

Who killed da mentor? (Basically, the thing is about who killed surrogate daddy, so who killed surrogate daddy? An antagonist? Tweest, one of the love interests? Why did they do it? What was the trail that led the protagonist to finding them out?):
The Vampire, because her mentor was going to the apocalypse/raise Hel/something i don't know
The MC's real parent(s), because they wanted their baby back for their nefarious plans
ur mum lel
I don't fucking know

Ages (SET IN STONE)
MC: 20
mage/twin: 20
Vampire: Fuken old
Werewolf: 24
Tyr McVikingsson: 23
Cop: 27
Forensics lady: 26

Come on, someone help out. Everything is malleable here

Also I think we should have MC be a full-time odd-jobber, and have her be a drop-out of school. Then she can know the mage from before she dropped (and he can bug her about it) and know the werewolf and viking from once she started jobs(being notorious people), while the vampire was an old friend of her mentor's. Cop and forensics they met on ONE SPECIFIC JOB that kinda made her "that specialist" for them.

[Arch-Magos Winter]

You guys are missing the obvious killer-

Biker Dullahan/Headless Horseman who's goal is to call a wild hunt down on the city, and wipe it clean of all the filth (humans). The Mentor character had caught wind of his plots, but trying to stop him ended up pretty damn dead. And the clock is ticking down, to discover exactly why this series of murders he committed are going to cause this, and how to stop it.

It's part of a ritual to summon one of the great Fae into the city, which would cause everyone to go fucking crazy because it's a thing that should not be in our reality and warps the minds of mortals around it with it's very whims. It's damn powerful, but it really doesn't give a shit about the Horseman's plans. He just wants to have fun, and by fun he means doing everything he wants to do. The real danger is from the link to the realm he comes from, one of the many focused around fae who do enjoy a good hunt, and the last time they had one, the Black Death happened.

[The Man With All The Cute Boats]

fae are lame

...Okay some are cool I guess. But still.

Anyway, what kind of vampires/werewolves are we using? WoD/Dresden style, where there are many kinds with different attributes? Straight up Dracula, right down to the garlic? Buffy, where they're hopelessly boring? Twilight, completely out of the ballpark for anyone who knows anything about vampires to recognize them?

I vote the last one and we make them turn into cheese in the sun.

[Alice]

Sorry, no cheese vampires. For I am Alice, spoiler of joy!

Hmm... probably for the vamps, somewhere in the WoD/Dresden-ish ballpark? Though possibly more generalized? But yeah, that's probably most likely what I'd be shooting for there. Chunni vamp would probably be closest to a mix of Venture and Gangrel I think. All while being quite elegant. And also quite hammy.

As for the werewolves, I'm not sure whether I'd want the cycle to be the traditional by the moon or more voluntary/influenced by emotion or not. Probably with sentience, but at the same time, crazy animal instinct sort of thing all intact, enough to still make our werewolf a potential threat to our allies if he loses his shit. ...Basically it makes it so our werewolf's kinda scary. Big, huge, hulking thing, big wall of fur and teeth and sharp claws and ohfuckrunit'sgoingtokillusaaahhh. 

That's about my reckoning anyway. That fair enough?

[Arch-Magos Winter]

For vampires I'd say a blend of classic, though with a few more nonsense stuff.

They can survive in the sun, but it causes their, well, corpselike pallor to be shown, and if you look closely, you can tell it in their eyes - red tinted pupils. They also hate being in the sun, it's a last resort, because it hurts the hell out of their eyes. Look into the sun, they're blinded permenantly. Their reflections are slightly clouded, and they seem a little out of focus in pictures. Enough to be noticed but not enough to arouse too much suspicion if they're careful. Holy Symbols CAN hurt them, but they need to be actually held by an ordained priest or whatever of that religion. So your average shmuck with a cross is something to laugh at. Garlic is something they're just slightly allergic to. Stakes hurt like fucking hell, and do kill them - but you know how hard it is to drive a wooden stake through the ribcage? Let alone through the ribcage of something strong enough to rip your head off like a teddybears? Not easy. The counting and all that other stuff is bullshit, but sometimes when they go crazy over the centuries, things like that happen.

For werewolves, I'd go like this - It's emotion based, but the moon plays a major, major factor. The fuller the moon, the easier it is for them to shift, and the more likely they are to shift. It isn't a voluntary thing either - get too angry, get too into, well, survival instincts, and the change will trigger. They are fast, strong, and insanely tough - the stories of them being able to fight a vampire are pretty much 100% true, and they'll usually win because they don't give a shit about injury while in this change. The only instinct the wolf form has is to KILL. KILL. KILL. They are 9 feet tall wrecking balls of destruction, and the werewolf usually can only guide it slightly conciously. Werewolves aren't the only shifters like this, but they're the best known.

[The Man With All The Cute Boats]

One thing I insist on: Vampires can do the whole dracula "Transform into a swarm of bats" thing. Or at least some can. Because that it FUCKING RADICAL

Hell, let's mix what you two said: the weaknesses Magos presented, but vampires have different attributes, traits and abilities as well, but instead of there being races it just depends on a)The vamp itself, somewhat influenced by who/what (MUHGIC) turned it and b) its age. What it can do falls into the vampire ballpark though(Think WoD ballpark, or some from the van hellsing movie). They won't start up farting fireballs or stuff, if they want to do that shit they can learn magic in their long lives and become castlevania Dracula.

So like a youngster would be able to turn a finger into a bat to use as messenger or to pet if they feel lonely, while chuuni vamp would be not givin a fuck and BEING A SWARM OF CREATURES OF THE NIGHT all night around.

As for the werewolf stuff, I think Magos hit the spot.