Cross Effects: Ask The Characters

[Bloble]

Axe Cop: If you met someone who called themselves "King of the Pirates" how would you react initially? And after said 'King' either causes serious amounts of property damage or retaliates when one of the normal officers try to arrest him only to be put through a few walls, then how would you react? Also, are you capable of impounding a Pirate ship if one where to appear at the marina?

Oh, I'd arrest them for sure. Probably end up chopping their head off depending on how Bad they are. Thing is, though, that no normal officers would mess with someone like that. There's a rule that says basically: normal officers deal with normal threats, while I deal with the crazy stuff. The only reason I'm doing boring stuff like looking into gunshots and speeders is because the cops of this town are either incompetent or have already disappeared. It's actually quite annoying, since I can't go in and chop everyone's head off. And there's no need to impound a perfectly good Pirate Ship. I'd probably take it and re-purpose it as a transforming Pirate Fighter Bomber in service of the Police.

[Elf]

Also, to everyone else except the kiddos, your sexual preferences and kinks?

Gabriel: Well, I like women with curves and I prefer blonds and redheads.  I'm not the biggest fan of brunettes.  I also love long, tumbled hair, and there is nothing sexier than a woman with "bed head".  I also enjoy making a woman feel special and well pleasured.  I can admit a man is attractive, but my favor will always go to a lady.

Lancer: Aye, nice tits are a must, and a good ass is fantastic.  I like it hard and fast and I like both being gentle and being rough.  I enjoy a good cuddle after a good tumble with the right girl.

D. Archer: Other than Rin?  Well, I like strong women.  A woman who can boss me a round and kick my ass is always a bit of a turn on.  I also like toned women, long legs, and long hair.

Forest: That's none of your sodding business and get off yourself for asking such an asinine question!

Gabriel: *Smirks* I'll answer for my repressed Godmother.  She is very hetrosexual to the chagrin of several women in my acquaintance.  Her choice in men must be taller than her.  She likes Asians and brunettes, but her softest spot is redheads.  She likes them large as well, as in muscular and all of that.  Oral sex is her weakness and *Forest boxes his pointed ears*.

D. Archer: If Rin gave you a gift that was a mug with the phrase "World's Best Dad" on it, how would you react?

D. Archer: I would be bemused and tell Rin her joke wasn't very funny.

Lancer: Would your primary Noble Phantasm work against a living skeleton? Does it piss you off that the Archers and Shirou all have copies of Gae Bolg? Have you ever had a moment where you would've prefered a smaller weapon?

Lancer: If I throw it, it would work against a skeleton because it would shatter the shit out of it.  That wanker bowman pisses me off in general, and I know that the Gae Bolg I wield is the original given to me by my teacher.  Honestly, my weapon of choice was a sword, but I was sattled with Gae Bolg.  Well, putting fire runes on rocks and throwing them works well too.

Forest: Lancer wants to fight the Original Hulk, as in Mr. Big Green and Angry, if you had the chance would you convince him it would be a bad idea? Are there any characters of the Marvel, DC and any other Comic Universes that you would recommend that Lancer NOT fight?

Forest: Batman.  No one fights Batman and wins.  No one.  Marvel?  Hmmm, probably Professor X.  The Hound of Ulster is mighty, but his mind is still vulnerable, and while I could help him out against Emma Frost, I'd be stumped against Chuck.  Oh, and Phoenix and Galactus of course. 

All Gun Wielding Characters: If you met a blond haired girl with a large chest carrying a Breach Loaded Thirty Millimeter Anti-Tank Rifle, how would you react? If she was carrying a pair of Thirty Millimeter Belt-fed Autocannons, would you react any differently?

Forest: Wow, I thought I was overcompensating with my Magnum.  That's taking overkill to a whole new level.

All Sword Wielding Characters: Is wielding three swords all at the same time practical? If you met a man claiming to have master the wielding three swords and claiming to be able to cut solid steel,how would you react and would you believe him?

D.Archer: I'd probably mock him for being an idiot because wielding three swords is ridiculous.  If I fought him, I'd toy with him for a little bit to analyze his abilities, find his weakness and exploit it.

[Arch-Magos Winter]

Shirou: (Both of them)

What's the make and model of all your firearms

[OPOI]

Shirou: Hmm, I'm not sure it's a good idea to reveal what weapons I have on hand. A large part of my fighting style relies on surprise after all, on the enemy failing to realise I still have a gun up my sleeve when I seemingly run out of ammo. Be that as it is, I guess I'll tell you.

Current Firearm list:

• MP-7 submachine gun
• DSR-1
• Taurus model 605
• Glock 18
• Thompson Contender (no origin bullets)

Shirou: And Forest's revolver. There's something off about it, like there's some hidden mechanism I'm missing. Even so, it's a damn good revolver.

That's all I have on hand right now. Running out of ammo too, I'll have to contact my supplier again. He won't be happy about that.

[Aiden]

Well, I might as well put Valda out there for people to ask stuff of.

I'll start with this one since it's addressed to everyone.

Also, to everyone else except the kiddos, your sexual preferences and kinks?

Valda: On top of you, pinning you down, while you submit to your proper station in the chain of existence and worship me without reservation. I don't care about the specifics of 'who' as long as their features are either symmetrical, or asymmetrical in an aesthetically pleasing way (certain patterns of tissue scarring).

[YOLF]

Old Man Henderson: Who in Nexus City do you currently think is most likely to have stolen your lawn gnomes?
Valda: What is your favorite Disney move? Also, your opinion on movies by Studio Ghibli?

[Aiden]

Valda: What is your favorite Disney move? Also, your opinion on movies by Studio Ghibli?

Valda: That is actually an insightful question! My first Disney film was a late introduction to the studio with the German translation of Hercules; from there I went back and watched every other film they produced up to that point. Still, for the longest time Hercules remained my favorite. Then they made Tangled.

As for Studio Ghibli, my taste for animation rarely dips into the content of the Japanese. I do give them credit for Grave of the Fireflies for its fiery historical context.

[Arch-Magos Winter]

Old Man Henderson: Who in Nexus City do you currently think is most likely to have stolen your lawn gnomes?

HENDERSON: Well, Rupert thinks it was the guy with the Rave, ain't that right Rupert?
RUPERT: *Silence*
HENDERSON: And so did I, but now I'm not so sure, because Lawn Gnomes don't like to party in raves. They prefer to get funky, and anyone that steals lawn gnomes should know that. I think. What were we talking about again?

[Mordalfus Grea]

Dear....

• Fate: Tea or Coffee?
• Angel: If a certain Slayer appeared with said Slayer's entourage, how would you and your other half react?
• Jack: If Seras Provided proof of her heritage, would you believe her?
• Anub'Zahar: If you encountered a human threatening to behead you with a common axe for not having a license to be undead, how would you react to said human?
• Axe Cop: Are there any laws against the undead and Necromancers in general?
• Old Man Henderson: What do your Lawn Gnomes look like?
• Luka: Since your usual monetary funds are unusable, what are your new plans on earning money in Nexus?
• Downy: What is it like having a minion/servant capable of independent thought and actions, while being capable of defending themselves in a fight?
• All Characters: What is your berserk button?
• All Undead/Spirit/Deceased Characters: Your thoughts on the living [characters]?

[YOLF]

Dear....

• Fate: Tea or Coffee?

(...)

• Anub'Zahar: If you encountered a human threatening to behead you with a common axe for not having a license to be undead, how would you react to said human?

(...)

• All Characters: What is your berserk button?
• All Undead/Spirit/Deceased Characters: Your thoughts on the living [characters]?

Fate: Coffee. Black. Sugar only pollutes the core of what coffee truly means. *takes a sip of coffee* I have seven cups a day. As for what honestly tickles my sensibilities... I do not suffer idiots without vision. They are good for nothing but sowing chaos for the sake of their misguided "justice" and caring nothing for the consequences of their actions.

Anub'Zahar: Erm. Well, I'd prefer to avoid fighting at all possible, even if I doubt the possibility of a regular axe being able to behead me. There aren't really laws regarding the undead in Azeroth, even if some factions and organizations recognize free willed ones as people. If all I had to do in Nexus City to receive the same treatment was fill some paperwork, I would not mind doing it. For the second question, I will not go into detail about the abominations I so despise and fear. But I can tell you I hate and am disgusted in equal measure by one's liberty being taken from them and having them forced to what means torture for them. Sssshhhhh-aaakk-kkhh-esss Nacth-sskkeeeee. And I don't have any particular feelings on living people as opposed to the dead. Well, I suppose they sometimes take their livehood... for granted.

Sir Bonesington: My berserk button, you say. I do not possess such an uncouth thing, sir! Although.... if I had to name something that quite gets on my sodding nerves... it is childish imbeciles who have no idea what they're saying and show absolutely no consideration for anything but themselves. Yessss, they are the kind of people that should just FREEZE OVER FROM THE INSIDE OUT AND HAVE THEIR SOULS MAIMED AND CRACKED INTO BITS SO SMALL YOU'D NEED A PINCER TO PICK THEM UP. Or something like that. About the living. What can I say? They're living the life! And usually they're very callous about it. Funny how sometimes they worry about their safety so much, yet others it's not a concern at all. It's like having a hot head prevents someone from making cool judgements. Then again, some undead also end up being a bit like that. It's like their impulsiveness don't cool off when they die even though their flesh does. Kuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu. And honestly, I think if more people experienced what being undead was like, they'd be able to chill a little more, in various ways. Me? I'm living this unlife for all it's worth!

[Bloble]

Luka: Since your usual monetary funds are unusable, what are your new plans on earning money in Nexus?

"I'll probably volunteer as a guard or whatever kind of person keeps the peace if the city will take me. If not, I suppose I could work at the bakery. I'll probably not get a job though. I have too much time taken up by my task of keeping an eye on Miss Valda, and probably Sir Bonesington too, if his words about having slain adventurers before are true. They may seem like nice people, but I'm not so stupid that I don't recognize how easy I can be to fool. For the next while, I'll see if they're really the good people they claim to be."

"Oh, but until I get money, I'll be relying on Miss Valda! Thank you very much for your hospitality!"

[Elf]

Angel: If a certain Slayer appeared with said Slayer's entourage, how would you and your other half react?

Angel: Which Slayer?  I'm close to two of them.  If it was Faith, I'd be happy to see her again even though it was so soon for her to come back.  Buffy . . . that's a bit more complected.

All Characters: What is your berserk button?

Forest: Again.  None of your sodding business.

Angel: Spike. 

Lancer: A lot of things.  Comes with the territory.

Gabriel: People who are willing to commit genocide to further their goals.

All Undead/Spirit/Deceased Characters: Your thoughts on the living [characters]?

Angel: Well, they need help sometimes so I help them because I can.

Forest: . . .Jealous.  Because they can have a life and don't have to worry about watching their friends wither and die.


Brianna: You got a crush on your employer?

Marius: Your feelings on Celts?

[Arch-Magos Winter]

BRIANNA: Erm... sorta... I guess. But that's just the bond at work, or at least that's what Jack told me.

[Aiden]

All Characters: What is your berserk button?

Valda: Broken promises. Those who cannot keep their promises are unworthy of existence, and I am pleased to repossess that which they do not deserve.

Marius: I have two. The first is forced sexual activity, the outlet of feeble men who cannot please their wives or are too cheap to pay prostitutes. The second is Christianity; those faithless atheists caused society to crumble as it abandoned the gods. The gods are right to have abandoned us in turn.

All Undead/Spirit/Deceased Characters: Your thoughts on the living [characters]?

Marius: You ask me my name, pretty one? Were that I not alone, or my Brother Worm could answer as is proper. I am a Worm; I have crawled from the earth to watch you in the cracks of your perception, judge you, gnaw at your roots, smother your hope and punish you for your crimes.

Marius: Your feelings on Celts?

Marius: They had all the failings of man, in the end; they kept their secrets, built their fortresses, spoke their lies and cheated their neighbors. All these things we Brothers Worm could see without being seen, hear without being heard, and so we know it was true.

And yet, they had a great many things for us to learn and make use of: their horsemanship, the spatha of the cavalry. They had fine gods to honor, like the Great Mare Epona. Made vampires, they fought as well as any Roman had in the Legion of the Dead by my side. It is... unfortunate, that the very improvements we brought to them became the instruments of their conversion by the followers of the Galilean.

Come, let us set aside an offering for our gods long forgotten and hope that our feeble prayers do not offend their ears when done so inexpertly; we have no priests to turn to.

[Ivan The Mouse]

All Gun Wielding Characters: If you met a blond haired girl with a large chest carrying a Breach Loaded Thirty Millimeter Anti-Tank Rifle, how would you react? If she was carrying a pair of Thirty Millimeter Belt-fed Autocannons, would you react any differently?

Neo: If she was fucking trying to shoot my ass, you mean?

Rattus: I think that's what he meant, Neo.

Neo: Well, if shit was the case, I'd be trying to flank that bitch and then fuck her in the ass. If I can't do that, then administer the Galactic Bomb, then charge the fuck right through her and the fuck her in the ass. As for the case her carrying a pair of belt-fed shit, then shit hits the fan for that bitch when the recoil kicks in.

Rattus: As for me, in both cases, I do my standard operating procedure: Eliminate.

All Sword Wielding Characters: Is wielding three swords all at the same time practical? If you met a man claiming to have master the wielding three swords and claiming to be able to cut solid steel, how would you react and would you believe him?

Yukina: Three swords, just like Roronoa Zoro from One Piece? And cut steel, like Goemon Ishikawa from Lupin the Third? It would be really amazing but I do not think anyone, no matter how good they are by the sword, can do that. If met someone that says that he can do both, I would ask him to show such skills. If he can do so, then I will be amazed! Then I will ask him of her to be my master!

All Characters: What is your berserk button?

Yukina: I do not think I can bear to have one of those...

Rattus: I must ask back, why does this have to be known by the public?

Neo: Okay, you want to know my fucking "berserk button"? I have several, but I'll give you a story instead. I had this girlfriend named Jane, Jane Donahue, we robbed a bank in Tulsa, in Oklahoma, we did that after the rest of our fucking gang has been iced in the other states, and we did that shit for old times' sake, just for the hell of it. Then the next day, motherfucking Tulsa police killed her in a shootout, her against a whole fucking army of them. Then when I knew how shit went down, I spent seven fucking days of alchemizing a poison gas, then with a couple knives in me and the poison gas, I attacked their motherfucking HQ, killed all those little piggies, freed the guys in the cells and left. I just exterminated the whole of their motherfucking police force because they fucking killed Jane. So there's the story. Want to know my other "berserk buttons"?

Also, to everyone else except the kiddos, your sexual preferences and kinks?

Yukina: ...Uhm...

Rattus: ...

Neo: Nothing too disgusting, that's all.